


Glitter in the Air

by ChElFi



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Awkward Romance, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3333680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve Rogers acquiesced to his best friends request to spend his last night in New York at a dance club, he expected it to end as it always did, in disappointment. Instead, Steve meets someone who could change his life, if he can only convince her it's safe to do so. A/U in a major way. Pre-serum Steve in modern times. No Avengers or Super Heroes. E, only in the second chapter, the rest is T.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dresupi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/gifts).



> Got this bug in my ear a few months ago. It was originally conceived with post-serum Steve in mind, but then I had this crazy notion to use pre-serum Steve in a modern setting A/U.
> 
> This is also dedicated to Dresupi to make up for that horrible, sad thing I wrote for her back when, unbeknownst to me, she was going through a particularly hard time. I hope this one isn't as sad, though there is the angst necessary in all romance stories. Possibly one major character death that occurs before the story begins, I'll check with her on that one, though.
> 
> Some of the dialog, you will note, is taken from Captain America: The First Avenger. Also, you should know that I've never actually been inside a night club so I made this first scene up from watching shows and reading stories. Which is how I make up my sex scenes as well so I figured it was OK. :D
> 
> Title and song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter are from Pink's song, which is one of my fave of hers...seriously, it's so difficult to pick a fave of her music. :)
> 
> Other things: The first two chapters were one chapter, but it ended up nearly 10K words, half of those smut, so I split it up. Also, if you don't like smut, you can skip that part. I'll post breaks so you can read the beginning and end of chapter two. Anyway, if this chapter feels as if it ends suddenly, that's why.
> 
> I think that's everything. Please R&R.

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?  
Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air?  
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care."?

* * *

 

Steve Rogers walked at the leisurely pace a hot New York August night dictated, toward the club where he had promised to meet his best friend, Bucky Barnes. Steve suspected he would walk just as slowly if it was the dead of winter. A dance club was not his favorite venue. But it was Bucky’s last night in town before he headed back to DC to finish his final year paying off his Army ROTC loan.

They’d spent the week together, and Steve had found his two-month unemployment was a benefit. He had a new job in the morning, but he’d been glad for the opportunity to have time with his old friend. It had been over a year since they’d seen each other and Steve always missed Bucky.

As Steve drew closer to the club, his attention was drawn to a couple on the sidewalk. The man was screaming at the crying woman. Steve felt the sharp feeling of injustice he always felt in such situations and couldn’t stop himself from walking over to intervene.

“Hey, is this guy bothering you?” Steve walked boldly up to the young blonde-haired woman and the large sandy-haired man.

“Leave it alone, jackass,” the man told Steve and pulled himself up to his full height, around five-feet-ten in Steve’s estimation, until he towered over Steve’s five-feet-four, skinny frame.

“Not unless you leave the lady alone,” Steve said.

The man laughed.

“She ain’t no lady,” he told Steve, the man’s Bronx accent become plain now. “She’s just my whore girlfriend.”

Steve's anger was immediately piqued at the comment. He clenched his jaw and his fist swung out to make contact with the taller man. The latter stumbled, but mostly in surprise at Steve’s attempt. Then he laughed and swung back at Steve, hitting him square in the jaw and sending  Steve's  skinny body tumbling backwards onto the pavement. Steve righted himself and tried for another pass, but he ended up taking a hit in his gut instead, and falling to his knees. He pushed himself up with his hands and lifted his fists again.

“You just don’t know when to give up,” the man said.

“I could do this all day,” Steve replied, though he was still gasping for breath from that last hit. He watched in relief as the girl walked quickly down the street away from them.

The man connected his fist to Steve’s face one last time and Steve spun and sprawled to the ground, face down. He was pushing himself up when he heard another voice.

“Hey, pick on someone your own size,” Steve heard Bucky tell the man.

When Steve finally righted himself, both the man and the woman were gone. Steve attempted to brush himself off and wipe some of the blood off his face.

“Sometimes, I think you like getting punched,” Bucky said as he walked toward Steve.

“I had him on the ropes,” Steve assured Bucky.

“Sure you did,” Bucky chuckled. “Come on, we gotta meet the girls.”

“Girls?” Steve questioned, then sighed at Bucky’s smile.

“You didn’t say anything about fixing me up with some girlfriend of a girlfriend,” he complained immediately.

“It won’t be so bad,” Bucky assured him.

“You said that last time,” Steve grumbled. “And the time before that, and…”

“Bucky!” Steve heard a woman call out his friend’s name. She was standing in the middle of a long line of people waiting to gain entrance into a club on Manhattan’s Lower East Side.

Steve groaned inwardly.

“What did you tell her about me?” he asked.

“Only the good stuff,” Bucky replied.

Steve didn’t feel very reassured by that knowledge. When they approached Bucky’s new girlfriend and her friend, Steve was even less reassured. While Bucky leaned in to kiss his girlfriend, the other woman gave Steve a withering once-over and it was apparent she was entirely unimpressed. The woman was the typical type Bucky always tried to set Steve up with, namely, Bucky’s type. Steve tried to be nice as Bucky introduced the three, but, as Bucky guided them to the front of the line to give their names which were on the guest list, the women began whispering to each other. Steve really disliked this breach of manners. He knew it was common nowadays, but it made him feel self-conscious.

The guard opened the cord to allow the four to enter. The noise was the first thing to hit Steve. He didn’t go out to this sort of place often and he felt the pressure of the bass on his eardrums. The lights weren’t too annoying. At least you could see inside the room. The few times before when he’d gone out with Bucky, the dance clubs were so dark Steve could barely see in front of his face. They were able to find a table, which made Steve glad he had insisted on an early evening. He would spend most of the night sitting anyway, as he couldn’t dance without making a complete idiot of himself.

They ordered drinks and hors d’oeurves and Steve tried to make small talk with “the friend” when Bucky and his girlfriend went to dance. When it became apparent that Steve wasn’t going to ask her to dance, the woman excused herself and left the table. Steve would have had to be blind to miss her disappointment. The drinks came back followed by the food, and Steve nursed his beer and nibbled on the nachos. Bucky and his girlfriend came back, followed by her friend shortly, and they drank for a bit and ate up the chips, then the three returned to the dance floor.

Steve had a hard time drawing the waitress’s attention to get a soda and maybe order a pizza. He sank down in his seat feeling unsure of himself. Anywhere else he was fine, but put him in a situation where there was dancing or women, or worse, a combination of the two, and he turned into a mess. All the coaching from Bucky on how to speak to a girl had failed, and, to be honest, Steve had realized by their last year of high school, that it was a good thing. Steve liked Bucky, they had been best friends since childhood, but Bucky’s idea of what a good woman was, and Steve’s own idea, differed greatly. Steve didn’t want to end up with the type of woman Bucky chased after. He was sure they were nice enough, but they tended to be petty and a little too clingy and needy.

Steve was brought out of his momentary self-pity by a waitress approaching his table.

“The lady over there,” she jerked her head to indicate some place behind her, “says you needed something.”

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “Just want a Coke and a pizza.”

“We only have Pepsi, and what do you want on your pizza?” she replied.

“That’s fine, and I’ll have Italian sausage and banana peppers,” he told her.

“We only have regular sausage and green peppers,” she explained.

“Yeah, that’ll be fine,” he said.

She turned and left and Steve tried to find the woman the waitress had indicated. Though the room was well-lit, he didn’t notice anyone overtly trying to draw his attention, so he returned to people watching and wishing Bucky would have wanted to do something else his last night in New York.

The waitress brought back the Pepsi and Steve drank it slowly as he waited for the pizza. When it finally arrived, Steve did something impulsive and, for him, entirely out of his nature.

“You said there was a lady who sent you over earlier,” he reminded her. “Is she still here? I, uh…” Steve wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do, but his curiosity had been piqued at the very least.

“Yeah, she’d sitting alone in a back row booth,” the waitress turned and pointed Steve in the direction of the table. “She’s got on a blue dress. See? With the low v-neck?”

Steve couldn’t see the dress, but he could see a woman sitting by herself.

“Brunette?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s her,” the waitress smiled and left.

Steve looked around as he tried to figure out what he should do. The pizza was too big for him to eat by himself. He’d ordered it thinking he needed some to share with Bucky and the girls, but they were nowhere to be seen. He took a deep breath, then stood and picked up the pizza and Pepsi and walked over to the table where the woman sat. Though she watched him approach, the brunette gave him no indication if she was pleased with or even remotely interested in his presence.

“Hi,” he said, figuring it was as good a start as any. “I, uh, have a lot of pizza here and I seem to have temporarily misplaced my friends.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him and while her scrutiny didn’t seem as withering as his “date’s” had been, Steve was no more consoled by it.

He was beginning to worry he might drop the whole pie when she nodded toward the table as if to indicate he should set it down. Steve swallowed down the nerves that had found their way to his throat and now threatened to strangle him.

“Do you mind if I, uh,” he was completely tongue-tied, yet again, and he wondered why he had even bothered.

She waved at the empty side of the both to indicate he could sit. He did and took a swallow of his soda to relieve his suddenly dry mouth. The woman across the table was, and there was no other way to say it, drop-dead gorgeous. When he’d first walked toward her table and noted just how low-cut her dress was, he was afraid his nerves would make his eyes drift down far too often to be polite. Instead, he found the beauty of her entire face mesmerizing. Her steel blue gaze never left his, and he couldn’t seem to figure out how to look away.

She raised her hand and the waitress stopped at the table.

“We need two plates,” she told the woman. As the waitress walked away, Steve suddenly realized he’d never bothered to introduce himself. He flushed with embarrassment at his rude behavior and that earned him another raised eyebrow.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t even introduce myself.”

“My name’s Steve,” he told her. Bucky had always been pretty adamant about not sharing his last name when they came to places like this. Steve thought it absurd considering how many “Steve Rogers’” there must be in just the Five Burroughs.

“Maria,” she said with a slight nod.

Steve was relieved that, so far, she didn’t seem to be one who was prone to giggle. That sort of thing always made him feel as if he was back in junior high, and made him feel nervous that the woman was laughing at him. However, she also didn’t really seem to be openly interested, which confused him since she had sent the waitress to him. He knew she must have been watching him for some time before that, though why, he really wasn’t sure. She looked like she was entirely out of his league. In truth, she looked like she was even out of Bucky’s league.

“So, uh, you come to this club a lot?” he asked. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he flushed with embarrassment again. “Oh, no, that’s not a good one. That’s a cheezy pick up line, isn’t it?”

Maria finally gave him a slight smile, as if she was amused, which only served to fluster Steve more.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m not really good at this. I just, well, when the waitress pointed you out and I saw you were alone, I…”

Steve sighed. He really wasn’t sure how to talk to a woman. Bucky had called him the quintessential geek, though Steve had argued that he didn’t have the slightest interest in attending a comic book convention so his geekdom membership had been revoked.

“You came in with a woman,” Maria commented.

“Yeah, that’s kind of a blind date thing,” he told her.

Maria nodded.

“Those are usually horrible,” she said.

“Mine always end pretty much like what you saw,” he said.

The waitress brought the plates as well as utensils and the two each took a piece of the pizza. When Maria took up knife and fork to start her piece, Steve smiled.

“You’re from the Midwest,” he commented.

She looked up at him in surprise for a second, then down at her untensils.

“Oh, that’s right,” she said, and set them back down.

“No, that’s OK,” he told her. “I was just trying to figure out what your accent was. It’s definitely not New York, not even upstate.”

“Chicago,” she told him. “I lived there my whole life.”

“Brooklyn,” he shared. “I did go to college out of state, though.”

“I didn’t,” she said. “This is the first time I’ve lived anywhere else.”

“How long have you been here?” he asked.

“About two weeks,” she said.

“Oh,” that surprised Steve for some reason, but it immediately explained to him why someone as beautiful as Maria was in a place like this all alone.

“Hey, Steve-o,” Steve heard Bucky’s voice and looked up to see him a few steps away from the table, behind Maria.

“Been looking for you,” he said as he approached them. “Was there something wrong with our…Oh.”

Bucky stopped midsentence and stared at Maria. Steve had seen that look before and this time he couldn’t blame his friend. Maria was truly an amazing beauty. Steve had noted right away that she wore only minimal make-up, and she probably hadn’t really needed that. Her hair was swept up into a loose bun and the tendrils hanging down around her neck were beginning to have an effect on Steve. He wished he had Bucky’s charm, just this once.

“So, there _is_ something wrong with our table,” Bucky said, as a pleasant smile came to his face. “This beautiful creature is not sitting at it.”

Steve saw right away that Bucky had chosen the wrong words. That surprised him. Most women were immediately captivated by his friend.

“Introduce me to your new friend, Steve,” Bucky told him.

“This is Maria,” he told Bucky. “Maria, this is my friend, Bucky.”

“At your service,” Bucky said and held out his hand to her. Maria only smirked and kept her hands in her lap.

Bucky let his hand drop and looked between Steve and Maria for several seconds.

“Right, then,” he continued. “Well, the girls and I are back at the table, if you aren’t too busy with your _pizza_.”

Bucky’s emphasis on the word drew Steve’s attention away from the tension that had developed between the three.

“Oh, I bought this,” Steve said and looked at Maria. “Would you like another piece?”

Maria shook her head.

“Why don’t you take it back to the table?” Steve turned to Bucky now.

“Sure, that’d be great,” Bucky said, still obviously put out by Maria’s reaction to him.

Steve told him he’d be over in a minute as his friend took the pie and left.

He looked back at Maria and tried not to sigh dejectedly, and probably failed miserably.

“Would you like to dance?” she asked.

Steve was surprised but he shook his head.

“I don’t really know how,” he told her.

“There’s not much to it anymore,” she explained. “You just throw your body around to the music.”

“I know,” he told her. “But I have zero rhythm, and I always look as if I’m doing the Chicken Dance.”

This caused her to chuckle as a real smile graced her lips and if Steve hadn’t thought her the most beautiful woman he’d seen in years, he couldn’t deny it now. As a result, he felt his brain go dead. He couldn’t even recall what they’d been talking about before Bucky had interrupted them.

“Well, I should…” He waved his thumb in the direction Bucky had just gone.

“Yeah, your date…” Maria said.

“It was nice meeting you, Maria,” he said as he slid from the booth.

She nodded, a slight smile on her face.

“You, as well,” she said.

Without thinking, Steve stuck his hand out, in the same way Bucky had, but this time, Maria accepted. When their hands touched, Steve felt the heat travel up his arm. He flushed and knew he must be beet red now, which only served to further embarrass him. He was surprised when he noticed the color rise to Maria’s cheeks as well.

“Good night,” was all he could manage, however, before he turned and left.

He sat back at the table with Bucky, who gave him a hard stare, and the girls, and pretended he was enjoying himself. He remembered his earlier conversation with Maria now and what he’d rather do was ask her what had brought her to New York after a lifetime in Chicago. He wanted to know if she knew anyone here in the city. He wanted to understand why someone as beautiful as she was alone at a club, and, more importantly, why she had reacted more positively to him than to Bucky. It was certainly a rarity.

Giggling across the table brought him back to the present situation. The girls were whispering to each other and laughing over whatever they had said. Annoyed, Steve glanced over to where Maria was sitting. She was still alone at the table and, Steve thought, she was simply watching all the people. He couldn’t imagine it was easy to pick up and move across the country from the place you’d lived your entire life. When he’d gone to college, at least everyone in his dorm was in the same boat. Trying to break into new groups of people and make new friends, or even acquaintances, when everyone around you was already comfortable, would have to be difficult.

After several minutes, Maria stood and began to walk toward the door. Steve was sorry she was leaving, and even more sorry she didn’t have to walk by their table to do so. He watched as she tried to weave her way through the crowd. Half-way to the door she was met by a guy who might have had too much to drink, but definitely didn’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer. Steve immediately stood and began to make his way toward her, Bucky called out to him. He could almost see his friend roll his eyes as Bucky realized exactly what Steve had gone to do.

Steve glanced around to see if there were any guards coming to the scene. He thought there were supposed to be guards or bouncers in places like this. He saw no one else who was paying attention so he quickened his steps as much as he could through the sea of people. It was difficult to keep a line of sight on her as most of the people were so much taller than he. Steve was about ten feet away from Maria when the space between them opened up and he could see what was happening. And what was happening was that Maria had apparently had enough and had taken matters into her own hands. Without dropping her purse, she grabbed the man’s arm and quickly twisted it around behind him, spinning him away from her. He yelped in pain and Steve stopped to watch. He felt a smile come to his face as Maria gave the jerk an earful then shoved him away from her. The man stumbled but then quickly moved away.

Maria didn’t turn to see who was watching, though Steve had an idea that she already knew. He watched as she headed to the doors. Bucky was behind him now and leaned down to talk to Steve.

“Move your ass, kid,” he told Steve. “Your dream girl is heading out and you’re going to miss your chance.”

Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He followed after Maria and caught up with her just outside the exit.

“Wait, Maria,” he called after her.

She stopped then slowly turned around. He walked quickly over to her.

“That was…” He started but couldn’t quite get his mind around what he wanted to say. “What you did…” Again, he tried, but failed to convey anything he was thinking.

“What?” She quirked that eyebrow at him again and it made Steve feel things he really shouldn’t about a woman he’d only just met. “Do you want some pointers?”

“Huh?” Steve wasn’t sure what she was referring to.

“Earlier, I saw you earlier around the corner trying to take on King Kong,” she said, an amused look playing across her face.

Steve felt another blush creep up his neck, threatening to take over his entire face. She’d seen that. She must think him a complete idiot. Steve never felt foolish for doing things like that, but tonight he did. He swallowed thickly and was about to tell her goodnight again when she finally spoke up.

“It was brave of you,” she said, a soft smile growing on her face. “It was stupid, but it was brave. There aren’t a lot of people around who will stand up to bullies like that.”

He stared at her in surprise. That was not what he was expecting her to say. Suddenly, his collar felt too tight and he had to fight against an insane impulse to reach out for her. Something must have shown on his face because hers showed a vague confusion, as if she couldn’t believe that he would be interested in her that way. Steve thought that more insane than his thoughts. How could anyone _not_ be interested in her? And now it went beyond her outward beauty for Steve. Now he wanted to know the answers to all the questions he’d had earlier, and more.

Steve had always had a fear of taller women, and beautiful women, and women in general. His few dates after college had generally turned out like the blind date tonight. He didn’t want this chance meeting to end that way. His feet were moving, as if on their own volition, taking step after hesitant step toward her. All he could think at the moment was he really wanted to wipe the confusion off her face, wanted to show her that she shouldn’t be surprised about his sudden feelings for her.

He kept his gaze on her eyes, and tried not to think about her height. Even in only two inch heels she was nearly six feet tall, Steve was certain. He tried even more not to think of every horrible joke he’d ever heard about why a short guy like him would want a tall woman like her, he hoped she’d never heard any of the jokes.

When he reached her he stopped and touched her arm, then slowly slid his hand up to her shoulder. He could feel goose pimples forming on her skin, which was certainly an effect he didn’t usually have on a woman. The skin on her neck quivered when he touched it and ran his hand behind her neck to, hopefully, pull her down to him to kiss. She slowly lowered her face to his, and Steve couldn’t help but be deeply affected by the confusion still in her eyes. If anyone ought to be confused, it was him, over why on earth she was about to let her kiss him.

Maria's lips brushing against Steve's made the already warm night feel even hotter. He slipped his other arm around her back as her free hand snaked into his hair and the hand she held her purse in wrapped around his back. He ventured a slide of his tongue over her lips and sighed in deep satisfaction when she opened for him. The kiss deepened and Steve felt as if the world was spinning around him. He hadn’t kissed a woman like this in years, he hadn’t known a woman like her in years. Finally, he had no choice but to pull away if he was going to be able to breathe again. They both gasped for air and Steve moved his hand to palm her cheek. He didn’t want to break contact at all. He didn’t want this to end now. He was going to ask her for her phone number but those weren’t the words that tumbled, breathlessly, from his mouth.

“Can I take you home?” he asked. He wasn’t even surprised at his boldness.

She nodded and Steve was glad to see, when he looked back up at her, that he’d successfully cleared all her doubts. He took her hand in his and led her to his motorbike. It was then he realized the flaw in his plan. He glanced surreptitiously at the skirt on her dress. It seemed like it might be short enough but the thought of her bare legs brushing up against him while they were riding down the road was a bit much to process at the moment.

He cleared his throat and handed her one of the helmets, suddenly glad that Bucky had made such a big deal to Steve about bringing two “just in case.” This probably wasn’t the “just in case” Bucky had meant, but it was the one Steve wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically part 2 of chapter 1. Fluffy smut with, well, I don't want to give anything away. I did mark off the smutty part if you don't want to read that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's an update. You probably thought I forgot about this story, eh? Well, I didn't. I was working on further chapters and I feel confident I'm enough along with them that I can post this and not feel huge pressure. It's a psychological thing. 
> 
> Anyway, what you need to know, aside from 'read the first chapter...' My Steve is a hopeless romantic. I've kind of always pictured Steve that way, mostly because he's such a pure idealist. And I know nothing about sex. Everything I know I learned from romance novels and fanfiction so if I messed up something here, forgive me. Maybe someday I'll meet a nice guy and he'll teach me all about it. :D

Steve drove toward the Brooklyn Bridge, his heart in this throat. Maria hadn’t given him her address so she must have supposed he meant his home. He wasn’t sure if that was exactly what he’d had in mind when he’d asked, but he wasn’t about to argue with her. After they crossed into Brooklyn, he turned off south toward a spot from which they could see the city. When he pulled into the parking area, he was surprised that he didn’t feel her tense. Of course, it was entirely possible that Maria could take him out without breaking a sweat, but still, that sense of confidence she had only served to embolden him and want everything about this night to be perfect.

“I thought you might like to see this,” he said, as he removed his helmet and climbed off the bike. “It’s a pretty popular spot to see the bridge and city lights.”

He offered his hand as she climbed off as well and had the distinct feeling she wouldn’t have accepted it from just anyone. She kept her hand in his as they walked over to the fence along the riverside. Steve stood to her left so he would have a better view of her as she looked at the lights. Maria had a soft smile on her face when she looked out across the water back toward the city.

“You live here in Brooklyn?” she asked.

“Yeah, still,” he told her. “Except for college, I never moved far from where I grew up.”

She turned back to him, her smile still playing on her face, and Steve wished he was better at hiding his feelings because he was sure she saw his moment of doubt by her reaction. He was second guessing his decision to take her to his apartment. They’d only just met and Steve had never done anything like this in his life. But she leaned down and kissed him again and Steve’s hands went around her back then slid down and rested on her hips. He deepened the kiss and, as earlier, was forced to come up for air. Nothing like this had ever hit him so hard, so fast.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, as she turned back to look once more at the city they’d just left. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

She took his hand in hers again and led them back to his motorbike. Steve felt himself relax a little more. She wanted this as much as he did, it appeared.

They rode another mile to his apartment. Steve found it difficult to concentrate with Maria’s arms wrapped around him and her bare thighs brushing against his legs. He parked the bike and they walked up the street.

“When I first moved in, there was an Italian restaurant downstairs,” he explained. “They closed a few months ago and it’s a lot quieter now.”

She had a small smile as she listened to him talk about the neighborhood. They arrived at the entrance shortly and they took the one flight of stairs to his apartment side by side.

“Does your building have an elevator?” he asked as he turned the key in his door.

“No, it only has four floors, I’m on the third,” she explained as he let her pass into the entry.

“Three flights of stairs every day, no wonder your legs.”

He started to tell her exactly what he thought of her legs, and he’d been thinking about them a lot since she’d sat behind him on the bike when they left the club. But he stopped, afraid he’d say something foolish and ruin the whole night.

“My legs, what?” she said as she looked around the living room and kicked off her heels.

The removal of her shoes brought Steve’s eyes back down to those legs. But he cleared his throat and looked away.

“You don’t do this much, do you?” she asked.

“What? Bring home women I only just met?” he asked with a nervous chuckle. “No, I’ve never done this.”

She smiled and walked toward him.

“I’ve never gone home with a guy I just met, either,” she told him. “But that’s not what I meant.”

She stopped before him and Steve took her hands in his and stared, not a little nervously, into her eyes. They were the most amazing color of blue he’d ever seen. There were flecks of silver in them which caught the light and made them take on a beautiful hue.

“You don’t just give people random compliments,” she said. “Or is it just women who make you nervous?”

Steve sighed. This wasn’t exactly the direction he wanted the conversation to turn.

“Because, for the record, I wouldn’t mind knowing exactly what you think of my legs,” Maria told him.

She took her left hand out of his and ran her fingers through his hair in a slow intimate way.

Steve moaned quietly in pleasure and took Maria’s other hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed her palm, then her wrist. He was rewarded with a shuddering breath from her as she sighed his name. He continued to trace her arm with his lips. When he reached her shoulder, pushed her dress down to the side to kiss the skin there. She leaned her head back as he kissed along her clavicle and spent some time pleasuring her with his tongue and occasionally teeth.

She whimpered and pulled his face up to kiss her and, as they kissed, he guided her into the bedroom.

 

* * *

 

Once there, she sat down in the small armchair he had in the corner and pulled him down to her until he was on his knees before her. She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders as she pressed her lips against his. Steve was only too glad to be rid of it and tossed it quickly to the opposite corner. Maria chuckled against his lips but it turned to a gasp when Steve slid his hands from her waist to slide into her dress to caress her skin. The blue dress she wore had a v-cut lower than her breasts and, if Steve was honest, doing this very thing had been in his subconscious since they’d been in the club. He watched Maria as her head lolled back in pleasure. He wondered if it would feel even better if one day she wore the dress just for him.

Steve quickly shuttled that thought to the back of his mind. He didn’t need to remind himself that he was falling for this woman at an unsafe speed.

He slipped his hands up to her shoulders again and pushed the dress down. Maria pulled out her arms, then Steve wrapped one hand around her neck and pulled her down to kiss him as the other returned to pleasure her breasts. His kisses turned greedy as he felt Maria’s hands slide down his back to his waistband. She slid her fingers inside his pants and glided them around the front where she began to undo his belt. His lips moved along her jaw to her neck and he nudged her chin up with his face in order to have full access to her pulse point. He could feel the blood racing beneath his lips just as she snapped open his pants and slid the zipper down. At that, Steve forgot any misgivings he had about tonight, about this woman, about his height versus hers, about his feelings. He wanted to give her everything, all the things he hadn’t given anyone in far too many years.

He tugged at her hands to have her stand as he backed away slightly. Still on his knees, his eyes at her waistline, he pulled her dress down then slipped his hands inside her panties to pull them off with her dress. He took it slowly, sliding his hands behind her to feel her backside, he lingered when she moaned in pleasure and put a hand on his head. Finally, he slowly pushed the clothes down her long legs, wishing at first his hands could feel more of the toned flesh at once, then realizing that he could take it slower if he lingered over the skin the way he desired. He pressed his lips against the juncture of her hip and her pelvis and the groan it elicited told Steve exactly what she wanted. And he wanted so badly to give it to her, but he didn’t think he could hold out that long. It had been too many years since he’d felt this good during sex. It had been forever since he’d actually made love to a woman.

Instead he kissed and licked and nipped at the flesh just above her hairline and the teasing was enough to make her begin to tremble. Steve would have smiled, and might even have felt smug, except her reaction was effecting him far more than he expected. Finally, he reached her ankles and she stepped out of her clothing. Steve leaned back and took her in from her beautiful feet, toned legs, shapely hips and waist, gorgeous breasts and arms, to her face so full of lust and desire that he almost thought he’d lose control at that moment.

Maria held out her hand to him and he took it and stood, then he pulled her into a passionate kiss as they walked the few steps to the bed. She sat on the end and he leaned over her to continue kissing her. Her hands traveled down his chest and returned to his waistband but now pushed the clothes down around his hips, lingering as he had, her teasing touch doing nothing to stop his desire to push her back on the bed and take her immediately.

She slid off the bed to pull his pants all the way off. Steve sat down on the bed as she pulled his shoes and clothes off. She knelt before him and kissed the inside of his knee, then continued up one side with her lips, the other with her hand, until she brushed his hard cock again with her fingers. As soft cry of pleasure escaped Steve’s lips and he prayed he could hold on for longer. She chuckled, her breath blowing out against his thigh, eliciting another gasp from him.

Her hand went around his waist, only to be replaced with her lips. Steve breathed out hard, it felt good, but this was not what he wanted from her tonight. He touched her forehead and shook his head at her when she glanced up at him. Then with trembling hands he reached out to pull her up to him. He laid back on the bed and reveled at the feel of Maria’s hair as it brushed his skin while she kissed her way up from his waist, across his chest, lingering at his nipples, eliciting soft groans of pleasure from him, finally to his neck then ending at his lips. He put his hands up to her face and kissed her hard. She lifted herself over him and straddled his hips.

Steve moaned against her lips as the pressure and her wetness affected him all the way to the soles of his feet. His hands slid to her breasts and the weight of them in his palms he was sure was more pleasure than he was bringing her. Finally he pulled her up higher to take one breast in his mouth and one in his hand, while his other hand drifted between her legs and slid into her curls. He sighed loudly at the feel of how wet he’d made her. He slipped his finger up and down teasing her clit as he fought the urge to simply pull her up onto his face and eat her out.

Later, he thought to himself. And that time he didn’t deny that he wanted a thousand more “laters” with this woman, a million more nights to please her, to make her moan, and hear her call his name in pleasure. She was doing that now. Steve thought it had been so long since anyone had wanted him the way she did, more than sex; he thought she must surely have felt it too. All he wanted to do was prove he was worthy of her desire. He slid a finger into her core as he flicked her clit with his thumb.

“Oh, g-d, Steve,” she cried out.

He sank his finger in as deeply as he could and was surprised at the tightness there. It was incongruent with her beauty. Surely he couldn’t be her first, not for someone this beautiful, this strong, he just couldn’t be. He gave in to the desire to press another finger inside her, to stretch her. She shuddered and whimpered and Steve felt the gratifying taste of salt on her skin as she began to react. After another minute she pulled away and lay on her back next to him, gasping for breath. He knew he hadn’t made her come yet, it hadn’t been so long he’d forgotten the tells. Still, he gave her a moment to regain control before he rolled over and rubbed his hand gently along her arm.

Her eyes were still shut so he looked at her with all the longing he would be afraid to if she could see him before he leaned down to gently kiss her lips. When he pulled away to look at her again, he found her smiling up at him as if he were a long lost lover. Only a moment earlier he had wanted to push this, make it fast and hard, unsure he could wait any longer for the pleasure. Now he wanted to take it incredibly slow, take his time with her to show her everything this could be, he wanted to pray for a blizzard in August so they wouldn’t have to leave for days.

Steve kissed her again, slowly, softly, and deeply. He gently touched her face then slid his hand down along her neck, her shoulder, her arm, then rested it on her hip, drawing circles lazily with his thumb at her pelvis. She sighed contentedly against his lips and despite the internal and external heat, he felt the goose pimples rise all over his body.  
She reached up to him and deepened the kiss as she pulled him over on top of her. He pressed his knee between her legs and her hips jerked involuntarily. Despite Steve’s desire to take it slower, it didn’t take long for the two of them to become heated again. Maria had taken him in hand, and even though she was gentle, Steve felt fire coursing through his veins.

“Steve, please,” she finally whispered.

He nodded and wordlessly reached over to the side table. He hadn’t used any in a while, but he had learned long ago it was a good idea to be stocked with a few condoms. So he had a small box of four in the drawer, where it had remained, unopened, since he’d bought it shortly after moving in six months earlier.

He laughed at himself as he tried to open the box with shaking hands while he was still over Maria. Finally he sat up on the edge of the bed and ripped open the box. He glanced back at her, expecting to see a smirk or the roll of her eyes, instead she was looking at him the way he’d looked at her earlier when she couldn’t see him. Steve smiled as he realized she’d felt the same thing he had, that connection, or whatever it was he’d felt when she’d let him sit down in that booth with her. It had intensified when they’d touched as he shook her hand, grown stronger as he watched her deal with that jerk in the club, and, by the time they were headed to the bridge, it had solidified and started to grow into something that Steve had only the vaguest memory of ever feeling.

Maria slid her hand up Steve’s arm and sat up next to him and began to place languid kisses on his shoulder. He shook his head as he smiled, surprised by his feelings. Then he cupped her face and brought her lips to his. As he kissed her he slid his arm around the front of her to one breast so he could hear her moan again. She arched her back to press her breast into his hand causing Steve to moan as well. He deepened the kiss as she glided her hand up the inside of his thigh, then he leaned her back down onto the bed and kissed her hard. Her hands came up and she dug her fingers into his hair pulling him to her as if she couldn’t get him close enough for her liking.

Steve forced himself to pull away from her so he could slip on the condom. He reached back into the drawer and pulled out the lubricant. When he was ready her turned back to her. The wood headboard of Steve’s bed had a decorative rod iron border at the top and Maria had raised her arms above her in order to weave her hands into it. He hadn’t bought if for that reason but now he was seeing the benefits. She had the tip of her tongue caught between her teeth as if she was anticipating his next act. He slowly lowered his gaze to take in her body, then stood and walked to the foot of the bed.

He leaned down and kissed the inside over her ankle, nipping, then laving the soft, thin flesh there. Steve smiled as Maria reacted in pleasure, then he took his time moving up the rest of the leg while his hand caressed the other. He felt the muscles ripple beneath his lips and hand as Maria moaned and whispered his name and pleas for more. He glanced up at her as he ministered the spot behind her knee and began to force open her legs. She still had a tight grip on the head board, her head thrown back in pleasure, her teeth occasionally took her bottom lip between them and bit down. Steve had to force himself to stay his course.

He finally reached the juncture of her legs and slid one hand into the curls and opened the folds to allow his mouth access to the tender, sensitive flesh. He dragged his tongue slowly from the bottom to the top and reveled in Maria’s resulting irregular breaths. As he swirled his tongue around her clit, Maria whimpered loudly, which only served to encourage him. He sucked the small piece of flesh between his lips and reached around to pull her legs up around his shoulders. She gasped his name when she realized his intentions, then she moaned and whimpered as he slid one, then two, fingers inside her. Her noises became more guttural the closer she came to release and Steve briefly traded places between his fingers and his tongue then she cried out and bucked uncontrollably.

She was trembling as he pulled away and began his journey up the rest of her body. When he reached her breasts she found the energy to move her hands into his hair again, still gasping for breath. He took his time at each perfect mound, licking, sucking, and nipping. His free hand caressed her body gently as he worked her back up to where he wanted her. His lips traveled up to her neck. He desperately wanted to leave a mark there, but he made the small mark low enough, along the collarbone, that she could easily cover it with a blouse. He didn’t want any other man to see his mark and get ideas about Maria.

He tried not to think of how possessive that sounded. Maria didn’t seem like the type of woman one could claim, but he certainly didn’t want anyone else to ever touch her like this.

Finally, her gasps turned into groans and Steve knew he would be able to take her all the way up again. He pulled himself over her and kissed her hard on the lips. She wrapped her legs around him and bucked up against his hard cock as if telling him she was more than ready. He pulled his face away from hers so he could watch her as he slid inside her tight core. Using his hand to guide himself in, he slowly pushed into her flesh. She was too tight, not for his liking, it felt good, but it still made no sense. What was wrong with men in Chicago? How could anyone have allowed this incredible woman to remain alone long enough that Steve, in all honesty, felt as if he was experiencing his first time all over again?

She whimpered and he carefully watched her face to make sure he wasn’t hurting her. As if she sensed his examination, she opened her eyes and held his gaze. He saw the pleasure there and smiled as best he could in the midst of his own. As he sank down to his hilt, he found he suddenly wanted to tell her everything he felt for her. But it didn’t seem right to tell her then, not when it could be misconstrued as the sex talking. He catalogued and stored his thoughts for later as he began to pull out and press back in and build a rhythm with her. He briefly had a vision of the two, together in the other room wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa. He was telling her everything he thought, everything thing he felt as she pressed herself back into his embrace. This vision drove him on; the need to give her pleasure, to take his own in return, making everything about him hard. When he felt himself drawing closer, he slipped his hand between them and began to rub her clit to bring her to fruition again.

Her voice, which had been gasps and moans and whimpers, now cried out in great pleasure. And Steve along with her could no longer contain his voice. He felt her begin to quiver around him and he thrust harder and harder.

“Come for me,” he pleaded with a groan in her ear.

And she did. As Maria’s muscles contracted around him Steve felt the fire under his skin burn hotter. Her cries and her pleas spurred him on. Finally he felt himself on the very edge and he thrust into her and held himself still for a moment as the fire burst into his veins and exploded under his skin. Then he thrust again and again and again until he was finally spent and collapsed in a sweaty puddle atop her. He gasped for breath, thinking it felt as if he’d never catch it.

 

* * *

 

Maria clung to Steve as if for dear life for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds before she slowly relaxed her grip. As she released him, he raised himself over her to look at her. She seemed as deeply in awe of the moment as he. Something had happened between them, he could see it in her eyes. Steve had a word for it, but was afraid to use it yet. She still looked too unsure, there was still too much disbelief on her face. But Steve could be patient when need be, so he only smiled and rubbed his nose against hers as he leaned in to gently kiss her.

Steve trailed kisses down to her neck, to the spot on her shoulder where he’d left a mark, tasting the salt on her skin. As he took deep breaths in, the smell of their union permeated his senses. It had been years since he’d made love to a woman, but he remembered the feel, how much better he liked the act and the slow way he floated back down afterward. He kissed her ear gently before he ventured to whisper the only word he could work up the courage to say at the moment.

“Stay.”

Maria nodded then Steve rolled to his side and pulled her into his arms. She tucked her head under his chin and put one arm around him and Steve breathed out a contented sigh as he began to stroke her hair. Worn out as he was, he didn’t allow himself to drift off to sleep until Maria’s breaths puffed evenly across his chest.

* * *

The first thing to invade Steve’s senses when he awoke the next morning was the smell of them. He breathed deeply and smiled. But as he became more aware, his chest tightened and he found he didn’t want to open his eyes. When he reached a tentative hand across the bed, he discovered the sheets there were cold. From the lack of any noise anywhere in his small apartment, he knew she was gone.

Immediately his mind tried to grasp for hope. She probably had to go to work. She didn’t have any clothes here but that fancy dress she’d worn the night before. Maybe she’d left a note, with her number, her name, something.

His heart in his throat, Steve sat up in the bed and looked around. On the chair in the corner he saw his clothes, folded neatly. That was an odd thing to do, he thought. But there was no note atop the pile. He walked to his bureau and pulled a pair of boxers from the top drawer and slid them on. He walked the few steps it took to look around the rest of the apartment, but found nothing. In the kitchen, the last room he’d checked, he leaned, palms pressed against the counter. He took several deep breaths, finally shaking his head, as the reality of the time started to press in on him. He didn’t have time to think about this. He had a job to get to and he couldn’t be late his first day.He finally dragged himself into the shower and got ready to leave.

When walked out onto the sidewalk forty-five minutes later, he looked down to where his motorbike was parked. He had the fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, she’d left something there. He walked quickly to his parking space as he fought an internal battle of hope versus despair. In the end, he was forced to shove his despair into a dark corner to deal with later. He mounted his bike and tried to ignore the feeling ghosting his skin of Maria’s arms wrapped around him as he drove back into the city.

When he arrived at Stark Tower, he was given a temporary pass and sent to the 35th floor where the financial department was housed. He headed to the manager’s office as he’d been directed by the guard downstairs. The red-headed assistant greeted him with a pleasant smile and motioned to a chair. Steve took the proffered seat but only had to wait seconds before the assistant returned and told him to go ahead in.

Steve stood as he tugged his tie and re-buttoned his suit jacket, then walked through the open door.

“Mr. Rogers, go ahead and shut the door and have a seat, I’ll be with you in a moment,” the woman at the desk told him.

She was looking at a page she was signing and had yet to as much as glance up at him. Her brunette hair was done in a tight bun, she wore a tan suit with a white blouse. Steve couldn’t breathe as he eyes drifted to her collar that hid the mark he knew was there, the mark he’d put there last night.

She finally turned to look up at him, obviously confused as to why he had yet to comply with her requests. Steve watched as the blood drained from her face until he was sure she was as pale as he must be himself. Her mouth opened slightly but no words came out. Finally, Steve broke the silence.

“Maria?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I truly hope that inflicted pain. It still kills me, and I wrote this, originally, back in January.
> 
> So, yes, I finally fell for the prompt, "Person A goes to a club/bar and hooks up with Person B for a one night stand. Then next day Person A shows up at his/her new job only to discover that Person B is their new boss."
> 
> Don't worry, it gets worse (but just the typical romance novel type of pain, I do so love happy endings), so for those of you who were missing my angst in the midst of all the recent fluff, I hope I made you a little happy. :)
> 
> Dresupi, I hope this is to your liking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria is finally achieving the kind of success in her work that she has always wanted. She's not going to blow all her hard work to pursue what could be with a man she only just met. If only her heart was on the same page as her mind, it would make things easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, chapter three. So, from here on out, the chapters are alternating POV. I don't usually do that because it confuses me. :D But, this is a typical romance novel so that's how it's written. :) Hopefully it didn't come out too badly. 
> 
> Enjoy some Maria angst.

And it's only half past the point of no return  
The tip of the iceberg  
The sun before the burn  
The thunder before the lightning  
Breath before the phrase  
Have you ever felt this way?

* * *

 

Maria stared in surprise at Steve. How had he found her? How had he even begun to know where to look? It was when she finally registered his apparel that she began to connect the dots. Steve. Stephen. Oh, no, this was Stephen Rogers. She pulled the file for the new hire out from under the stack she’d been working on and opened it.

She’d only glanced at it briefly this morning. She turned to the back pages where there was a copy of his driver’s license. His face smiled up at her from the small square in the corner of the copied license and Maria felt her throat constrict.

“Shut the door,” she said, this time far more curtly.

Steve immediately complied, but he didn’t move from the spot where he seemed to have become rooted. Maria took a deep breath to steady her emotions before she continued.

“Was it some kind of a joke?” she asked, her voice as icy as she could make it.

Steve still looked as surprised as he had when she first saw him.

“Joke?” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Last night.”

Just as she had been last night, she could read the emotions that flashed across his face. If he was acting, he was good. He didn’t look as if it had been a joke to him. Still, Maria just couldn’t believe that their meeting had been a coincidence.

“Did you know I was going to be there?” she asked, her face set hard.

“I…?” He started to ask. “But you…” Steve was as tongue-tied as he had been the night before.

Maria felt her heart softening. She knew she was being unfair. Finally she relaxed and rested her head in her hands. She heard Steve sit down in the chair across from her.

They were both silent for several minutes.

Maria chastised herself for being so stupid the night before. She should never have gone to that club. But her neighbor had a reservation she couldn’t use and the woman looked similar enough to Maria that Maria was able to use her ID to get in, though the guard barely looked at the photo, he’d been too busy checking out Maria. And the reason Maria had gone was the worst part. She’d gone to do exactly what she’d done, pick up a guy and go home with him.

“You said you’d stay.” Steve’s soft, pained voice interrupted her thoughts. In her mind she could hear his whispered plea, “Stay.” She could almost feel his breath brushing her ear at the memory.

She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t stand to see the pain she’d caused him. She knew something had happened between them, that he had felt it all so deeply. It’s why she’d agreed to stay; it was also why, when she awoke at two in the morning, she’d left.

Finally, it was unavoidable, so she lifted her head to look at him. He was trying, and failing miserably, to look strong. And now it was about to get worse. Maria had never hated herself more than she did at this moment.

“If you are going to work here, for me.” She paused to take another steadying breath. “Last night can’t have happened.”

The look that passed across his face cut through Maria’s heart as nothing ever had before. This was going to be so much more difficult than she thought. She stood and began to steadily pace a path around her office to give herself an excuse not to look at him when she said what she knew she had to, in order to save both of them. She wasn’t about to sacrifice her career for a relationship with a man she’d barely met, no, scratch that, she wasn’t about to sacrifice her career for anyone for any reason. Normally she didn’t feel like such a bitch when she thought that way, this was certainly an exception.

Maria was grateful Steve didn’t turn in his chair to follow her with his gaze around the room. This was going to be almost impossible for her as it was. She didn’t want to look at him at all, didn’t want to see his face when she lied to him.

“Last night was a mistake,” she said flatly, crossing her arms across her chest defensively, even though he couldn’t see her.

She tried not to imagine the pain that visibly crossed his face. That same face that had been so full of love and wonder last night. As if she was some sort of rare find. But Steve didn’t know her, he didn’t know how selfish she was, how her career was the only thing that mattered to her. She’d been wrong to encourage any sort of thoughts that way, to allow him to touch her and make her feel so many things she didn’t even know she was capable of feeling.

“Can you agree to that?” she asked.

He waited a moment before answering. Maria watched out of the corner of her eye as his shoulders raised and lowered several times as he took deep breaths.

“No,” he said. “But I can work around it.”

His voice was steady and controlled. And Maria felt as if she was the only one who might lose it. He refused to look at the night before as a mistake, even after she had treated him this way. She had the feeling he was going to let this slide, as a moment of fear.

“We can’t do anything even remotely close to what happened,” she continued harder than she felt. “I cannot be your friend. I cannot be anything but your boss.”

Any other man would have made some innuendo or comment, but Steve only nodded his head mutely.

“OK, then,” she said, as if this was somehow settled for her, as if she was perfectly fine with her decision.

She walked back to her desk and pressed a button on her phone and summoned Jasper Sitwell, the office manager. There was a tense silence as she and Steve waited. Maria could feel his eyes watching her but she didn’t look up at him. She didn’t think she was strong enough yet, not when she could still feel his touch on her skin.

Jasper finally arrived, and Maria had to say it was the first time she’d ever been relieved to see the man. She introduced the two men and had Jasper take over as far as getting Steve acclimated and settled. When the door shut behind them Maria collapsed fully into her chair. She looked down at her hands as they began to shake and tried to keep it from spreading to the rest of her body.

She now regretted abdicating the hiring process immediately following her own hire. HR had been fine with it reasoning that the position they eventually hired Steve for wasn’t directly related to Maria’s job except in managerial aspects. She had been hired to clean up the previous manager’s mess, and to, hopefully, keep the SEC out of things. It was a dream come true to land a job like this. And the fact that she’d been asked to an interview based on one of her old boss’s recommendation was just an affirmation that she deserved it. And in one foolish, selfish move, she had threatened the entire thing.

Maria shook the thoughts from her head. They’d get her nowhere and she had far too much work to do.

The rest of the day was a haze of paperwork, filtering through file after file on the computer, meetings both in person and online, and phone calls. Through it all, she successfully avoided all but a glance at Steve. Natasha said her good nights and Maria nodded her good bye, pencil in her mouth as she went over more figures. Before she knew it, the night’s shadows were creeping into her office. She finally looked at the time and saw it was already 9pm. She sighed audibly and began to clean up the papers. She took the files she could remove from the office and stuffed them into her bag, then exchanged her heels for walking shoes and finally shut off the light and walked to the elevator. A few minutes later she turned out onto the sidewalk and headed for the subway.

The street, while not as packed as it was during the day, was still rather full. Summer evenings brought a lot of people out since the days were so unbearable. The subway, as well, had quite a few people. Many from the city, others were tourists riding some of New York’s more famous lines. She exited several stops later and when she came up the stairs she found night had already descended.

As Maria walked the two blocks to her apartment, she tried not to think about what she’d been doing only 24-hrs ago. It was foolish to entertain the memories. She needed to do exactly what she’d told Steve to do, pretend it never happened.

The sound of a motorcycle coming up the street caused Maria’s heart to quicken. She slowed her pace and stopped, but was disappointed when the driver passed by and she saw that the rider was far too tall to be Steve. The rest of the walk seemed tiresome, her feet felt as if they had turned to lead. As she finally trudged up the front steps and the three flights of stairs she could think of nothing but Steve and how he had shown her exactly what he thought of her legs.

She opened the door to her flat then shut it by leaning hard against it. She closed her eyes and let her memories take over for a moment. The feel of Steve’s hair between her fingers, his lips pressed to hers, his hands hot on her skin, his tongue, good g-d his tongue, no one had ever made love to her the way Steve had. It was as if he knew her already, as if he’d spent years studying her and practicing on her. And in his eyes…

No, Maria stood up. She would not think about this again. She picked up her bags and began her nightly routine. Her briefcase she dropped onto the coffee table, then she slipped off her tennis shoes and set them on the shoe rack along the wall next to the kitchen. She pulled on her soft slippers and padded into the kitchen and grabbed up the tea kettle, dumped the morning’s water out and rinsed it before adding fresh water and starting it on the heat. 

She left the kitchen and began to take down her hair, failing to keep her mind from wandering to how good it felt to have Steve pull it down last night. Maria didn’t have a lot of experience with men and even less with sex, but no one she’d ever been with had done that. It had been such an intimate moment, and the way Steve had looked at her…

No, she told herself again. The last thing she should ever do is think about his eyes, and how he looked at her. She might cave. No one had ever looked at her that way before. It had been his eyes more than her desire that had made her follow through last night. She had always had this ridiculous notion about what it might be like to have a man look at her the way Steve had, especially while making love.

As she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror and brushed out her hair she chastised herself for her selfish fantasies. No man could be expected to feel that deeply. Men just didn’t think that way. They were solely into it for the sex and if women wanted someone to care for them they should try to develop friendships with other women. And Maria was horrible at that as well.

The tea kettle whistle made Maria jump and she glared at her reflection. She was behind in her routine. She should have been out of her work clothes by now.

She walked back into the kitchen and prepped her tea, then quickly changed out of her clothes before pouring herself a bowl of Lucky Charms. She sighed at this open acknowledgement that she planned to spend the evening feeling sorry for herself. She should have the chicken and rice she’d pulled out of the freezer this morning to thaw. Though why she’d done so she wasn’t sure. As Maria sat down at her small table next to the shoe rack, she reminded herself that she had considered going back to Steve tonight. Though she’d run in terror in the pre-dawn hours, by the time she’d arrived home, he had permeated her mind. The idea that there was a man out there like the one she always dreamed was almost unbelievable. If it hadn’t been for this morning…

Maria chewed on her marshmallows and cereal and swallowed thickly as she allowed herself a moment of self-pity.

It figured, it really did, that he would show up at work this morning under her employ. The one man, the only man, who had ever given her what she wanted, what she needed, fulfilled an actual fantasy, was now unattainable. It would have been easier, she reasoned, if she’d learned that he was married. At least she could hate him in that case. Instead she carried the feel of his touch on her skin in a way she knew she wouldn’t be able to rid herself of anytime soon.

She finished her cereal and first cup of tea. Then she washed up the bowl and spoon while her second cup steeped. She was almost back on track with her routine, she had only one more hurdle to jump.

She walked back into the main room and stared at her record player. Each night she listened to the music on old vinyl LPs and 78s. Tonight, though, would be different. When she’d been putting her shoes on before sneaking out on Steve this morning, she’d noticed his stereo system had a turntable. Out of curiosity, she’d peeked at the collection of albums next to it. When Steve had claimed not to be able to dance, she wondered if he meant only modern dancing. The albums were from the true classics, Goodman, Cole, Crosby. In fact, a few were the same as hers. Maria took a deep breath and walked over to her collection and pulled out Crosby’s “Around the World.” Bing’s voice was crooning to her as Maria took out her laptop up and began another few hours of work.

Two LPs later, Maria finally decided to call it a night. She closed everything up and walked back to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face and finish the rest of her evening routine. She turned out the light and crawled into bed. She tried to take her usual solace in her routine; in the fact that she had her own place; in her decision to break free from Chicago and everything it had been. Tonight, though, not even that could comfort her.

Her whole life Maria had wondered what it would feel like to have someone love her. In college she’d had a roommate who’d explained that what she wanted couldn’t be expected of any man. That men couldn’t think that way because they were more interested in the physical aspects of life, they couldn’t be bothered with romance and basic human kindness. That women had to accept that the ideas planted in their minds by reading romance novels and watching chick flicks were selfish and self-serving and just accept men as they were. At least then they would learn to be content with what they had.

But Maria had never entirely believed that. If she had, she would have completely given up her romance novel hobby, she wouldn’t drive across town so she could watch the latest chick flick without risk of anyone she knew seeing her. And she would have left last night with the first jerk who came on to her instead of watching Steve across the room and wondering what he was like, aside from being brave enough to stand up to a bully twice his size. Her heart wouldn’t have leapt to her throat as she watched him approach her with the pizza, his eyes on her the whole time so she knew she wasn’t imagining that someone like him was coming to talk with someone like her.

Maria groaned and shifted in the bed. This, this single life, no man to have to dictate her decisions and actions to her, was what she’d wanted. She’d been so glad to leave Chicago and finally be free of her father and her boyfriend, to have her own life. Why had she even decided to go out and try to pick up a guy? Men were…Maria breathed deeply and realized that she had to change her thoughts on that. Maybe most men were, but Steve was not.

She couldn’t stop herself wondering what he was doing, she took a sort of sick solace in the pain she must have caused him. It reminded her that she didn’t deserve anyone who would look at her the way Steve had, who touched her and held her as Steve had. She could almost feel his arms around her now, almost breath his scent as if she was in his arms, fulfilling her dream of falling asleep in the arms of someone who loved her.

Her eyes shot open as the emotions overtook her and she struggled to breath. She sat up and turned on the light beside her bed.

Maria realized she wasn’t going to sleep so she got up and opened her laptop and started back to work. She hadn’t had a sleepless night since she’d arrived in New York, but she’d had plenty in Chicago and she knew how to work around her insomnia.

* * *

Maria had thought that as the days went by, she’d get used to seeing Steve each work day. She had put up with worse in her life, this was small in comparison. But it didn’t happen that easily. And it wasn’t Steve’s fault.

He had done exactly what she’d asked of him. He didn’t act any differently around her than the others in the accounting office, he didn’t make comments on the sly during meetings. He held the door for her when they walked through, but he did that for everyone.

No, it was Maria’s problem. She found herself waiting to hear his voice say “Good morning” to the others in the office, the kindness of his voice washed over her in a way that made her wish there could be more between them. When the office manager, Jasper Sitwell, commented on how well Steve was working out, Maria felt a sense of pride swell in her that she’d never felt over another person.

There were two full office meetings Maria had to attend each month. She never caught Steve looking at her, and wouldn’t she have since she always found her eyes drifting to him when he had to look the other way down the meeting room table?

The second meeting after Steve started work at Stark Industries, he had been tapped to present his group’s project. Some men stood with their hands stuffed in their pockets when they stood in front of the group, and Maria wished Steve had been one of them. Instead his hands moved smoothly through the air, and in spite of her concerted effort to concentrate on his words, Maria found her mind drifting occasionally in recollection of how those hands felt on her skin. Focusing on his face didn’t help. She knew she couldn’t look in his eyes, so her gaze kept drifting to his lips. At one point his tongue darted out to moisten them. Maria had to reach for the glass of water in front of her as her throat seized up in memory.

In between time, she avoided the office. It wasn’t unusual for her position, Sitwell had the run of the room, and it wasn’t unusual for her, personally. She’d never been one to engage in even casual relationships in the office, or even casual relationships. People were dangerous, she knew well enough, but Steve was not just any person.

She made it through the rest of August and all of September without so much as considering giving in to her daily temptation to go to Steve’s apartment. But by October, her mind had changed tactics and was trying to convince her that a clandestine relationship would be perfectly acceptable. After all, no one had to know.

In response, she tightened her daily routine, becoming almost compulsive about it. It was her comfort, her safety. If she could keep her days the same, she could keep her feelings under control. And feelings must be kept under control because they were dangerous.

* * *

“No, Mr. Sitwell, we cannot have an office Halloween party,” Maria said flatly.

She was perturbed that he’d made it an order of business during their bi-monthly staff meeting. He should have brought it up to her in private.

“If you would like to bring candy for your office mates, you are welcome to do so,” she told him. “If you want a few decorations on your desk, that is fine, as well, so long as they are appropriate for the workplace.”

Sitwell looked across the table at her, a disappointed look on his face and Maria wondered, again, how on earth this man had become the office manager.

“No costumes or parties,” she reiterated. “This is not Southern California.”

She stared him down for a brief few seconds, just long enough that he might remember it wasn’t a good idea to broach this subject in public, before dismissing the meeting.

She had a teleconference with Mr. Stark, who was in California, and a few others, so she made her way up to the 40th floor where the boardroom was. Stark and the others seemed pleased with the progress she’d made, though she still couldn’t rule out the SEC stepping in when the quarterlies were released. Still she found herself with the unusual feeling of being flattered when Mr. Stark told her that hiring her was the best decision he’d ever made. Maria didn’t let it go to her head, Stark was an infamous flirt after all, and he didn’t know her that well.

When she returned to her office, she found an envelope on her desk with her name on it. She glanced at the door and weighed the wisdom of shutting it before she read the contents. The writing she recognized as Steve’s. She didn’t want him to think she couldn’t read anything he placed on her desk, no matter how unusual this was, without closing the door.

She picked it up and sat in her chair. When she opened it, she slid out a ticket to the Prospect Park Zoo’s “Boo at the Zoo” event. She’d seen the ads on TV but hadn’t paid it much attention. She never celebrated Halloween, it was a child’s holiday, as were all the others, if she cared to admit it to herself.

She flipped the ticket over, on the back there was a sticky note with a phone number on it. The word’s “My cell #” written below. Maria sighed and slid the ticket back into the envelope before setting it aside to continue with her day. She could call him later and tell him “no.”

She considered calling him into the office. Maybe he needed a reminder of how things had to be. Her mind mocked her at that idea. She was the one who couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Hours later, she was surprised by Natasha’s goodnight and waved her out quickly before returning to her work.

Fifteen minutes later she heard a knock at her door. It was a little early for the cleaning crew, she thought as she looked up to see who was asking for her.

She forced herself to remain outwardly calm as she stared into Steve’s blue eyes. He was apparently not going to wait for her to call him. And, she thought, that was probably a good thing, since she really had no intention of doing so.

“Yes,” she said, as if she thought he might just have some general business to discuss.

“Is that your final answer?” he asked and flashed a cocky grin that surprised her and caught her completely off guard.

She opened her mouth to reply that her answer was “no” but no words came out. She shut it again and leaned back in her seat.

“It’s a really nice event,” he said. “I used to go with a friend when I was in high school, we took his little sister as a cover, but we both really liked it.”

He was smiling now and there was a confidence in his eyes similar to the one she’d seen when he was taking on that bully outside the club back in August.

“Steve,” she started.

“It’s not a date,” he said. “I’m just making sure you get to know some of the nicer things New York has to offer.”

She smirked at him. He sounded as if he’d rehearsed this conversation. She couldn’t blame him, though.

She shook her head in disbelief at herself as the word, “Fine,” came out instead of “No.”

“Great,” he said. “Oh, and it’s far more fun if you wear a costume.”

She glared at him now but he only smiled at her.

“I’ll pick one up for you,” he said. “You won’t have to worry about it.”

She looked at him in surprise for a moment, usually most men got angry when she looked at them that way, or at least nervous. Steve was probably the first person not to react either way.

“OK,” was the only reply could voice.

He smiled like a kid on Christmas morning, then he turned and she listened as he collected his coat and briefcase and got onto the elevator.

It was fifteen minutes later, in the middle of crunching some numbers, that Maria truly realized what she’d just done. She groaned and lowered her head into her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note is more of a personal note and has nothing really to do with the story, per se, except that this will probably be the last E/M story I write. I'm writing this out as a note because I have learned over the past several months since I left my abusive husband that I'm not alone and I feel compelled to keep speaking about this in case someone in the same situation happens across one of my stories. I want people to know they can get out.
> 
> I began writing as part of my self-therapy. When I was married I was not allowed to go to individual therapy because I was told we had no money. Abusers keep their victims from therapy so they won't be able to get any help. So I tried to keep myself alive by writing all my pain into my stories. I found it useful to work through things I was thinking about. I put them on my characters, whether they were specifically bad things, or just ways I thought things ought to be. The E/M stories began when I started trying to work through the sexual abuse by myself. There was no other way to deal with it. I'm sure I lost several readers as a result, but I figured my life was a bit more important than popularity. :)
> 
> Anyway, I am now in therapy, which is how I was diagnosed with PTSD, and it's been very helpful. I will probably still use my stories to work through some of my problems, but this one just doesn't feel as right to work through in public anymore.
> 
> On a side note, for those not on my tumblr, where I've been posting about the Duggar situation, what you hear and read about them in the news, that was exactly how I was raised. Anna Duggar doesn't have anything but what she's been handed by her husband, because that's what she's been taught from her earliest days that she is worth. As a woman she has no other options in her religion. She must just accept that her husband is an adulterous, child-molester and "forgive" him and tolerate him because she will be shunned and cast out by her family and friends if she doesn't. It's a very cultish thing and is not based on anything from the bible but from their twisted distortion of God's word and their worship of men. The conservative Christian community is either guilty by silence or, for their own distorted reasons, circling the wagons. So, I guess it's up to us liberals to keep talking about it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going great, just like Steve planned, right up until they're not. And don't get him started on that Stark fellow. Because he is *not* jealous, not one little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Steve chapter for the update. These chapters have ended up being fairly long. I think that's all. :)

_Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?_  
_You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone_

  
At 10am on the Saturday before Halloween, Steve pulled up outside Maria’s apartment building and parked his rental car down the street. He checked his make up in the mirror and gave himself a stare down.

Nerves had no place here, he told himself. This wasn’t a date, it was just something nice he was doing for someone.

Someone with whom he was madly in love.

He sighed as he exited the car and began to walk toward her building.

He’d been questioning his decision since the moment the elevator doors had slid shut after he’d asked her. He really did just want to be nice to her, but he had somewhat lied that it was just him showing her the nicer things of New York. Really, it was just him desiring to be near her, and more, to make her smile.

Steve had watched her since that terrible morning his first day at Stark Industries. He hadn’t seen her smile once. It had started to bother him the first week. He’d considered putting some jokes into his presentations, but he quickly nixed that. In business she was no-nonsense. Outside business, though, Steve knew she was something more; she was someone beautiful who saw beyond what other women looked at. She never would have let him take her home that night if she didn’t.

Steve wasn’t as inexperienced with women as Bucky liked to tease. While he’d only had one girlfriend in high school, he’d let loose in college and tried to live like the other guys in his dorm. But he’d noticed that even the nice girls didn’t really seem interested. In fact, some of the nice girls just figured he was a safe way to lose their virginity now that they were away from home. He could still feel the sting of learning that truth.

One of his roommates had suggested steroids, but Steve wasn’t going to destroy what little of a body he had just to be a muscular short guy. He didn’t really think that would improve things. And, there was that romantic inside him that reminded him he wanted a woman who loved him, not what he appeared to be on the outside. He’d had that once, now he had half-a-hope to get it again. He just had to be patient, he told himself.

He walked up the steps and rang her apartment. She greeted him and buzzed him in. The inside of the building was beautiful and finely appointed. The floor was marble and the stairs had been fashioned from mahogany. Steve was a bit embarrassed as he walked up the stairs to her apartment. She could rightly live here, she was practically the CFO of Stark Industries, but he wondered if she hadn’t thought his place a bit meager by comparison. And he’d been so proud to show her his neighborhood.

When he arrived at her door, he hesitated. He second guessed the choice of costumes. Maybe they shouldn’t be matching. It made them look like a couple. Before he could knock, the door opened. Maria took one look at him and a small smile graced her face. After that, Steve forgot his concerns. Anything that happened now was worth it just to see another smile on her face.

“I suspected as much,” she said as she invited him in.

“Well, it was sort of funny,” he replied. “I hoped you’d get a laugh out of it.”

She nodded.

“Well, we certainly have the height difference of Morticia and Gomez Addams,” she replied, then she turned and walked over to her table to get her purse and coat off a chair.

Steve took the opportunity to take in her appearance. He hadn’t dared when she opened the door. Her costume wasn’t quite as revealing as the one he’d liked, but he figured since they were supposed to be on a non-date, he should refrain. Still it hugged her curves in a way he could certainly admire. She turned and he reigned in his hormones.

“You look amazing.” He opted for a more neutral descriptor instead of beautiful, and a few other things he wanted to say; not to mention the desire to take her hand in his and do a very good imitation of Gomez.

They descended the stairs and Steve was relieved that Maria seemed at ease. Maybe it was the fact that he really looked like Gomez and nothing like Steve that helped. If anyone happened to recognize her, which he doubted, because, with her own wig and make-up, she looked very much like Morticia, she wouldn’t have to worry about propriety.  
When they reached the sidewalk, Maria stopped and looked up and down the street.

“Where’s your bike?” she asked.

“I got a rental car,” he said. “So we’ll be warmer and more comfortable.”

Steve could have sworn he saw a look of disappointment on her face before she smiled again and agreed.

The drive wasn’t very long on a Saturday. More people seemed to be coming into the city this morning than leaving it. He dropped her off outside the zoo so she wouldn’t have to walk as far, then he found a parking space and walked back to her.

After they entered they walked around, enjoying the costumes and kids as much as they did the animals. Steve had skipped the past few years, both Bucky and his sister were away and it didn’t seem to appeal to him as much as it had when he was with them. He’d never tell Bucky, or maybe he might, but he was having far more fun with Maria than he had before. She was smiling and that was worth the risk he’d taken asking her here today.

They finally stopped for some lunch at the Sea Lion Store and Café, then walked around with their sandwiches and coffees. As they walked she talked about the zoos in Chicago and he mentioned the San Diego Zoo.

“I’ve heard it’s enormous,” she said.

“You’ve never been to California?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“Only on business, and I never count that as a visit,” she said.

Steve stopped himself before he said something foolish like, “I’ll take you there someday,” and ruined the whole day. What he asked instead didn’t seem to go over much better, though.

“Where have you been, then?” he asked.

“Chicago and New York,” she said, staring intently away from him.

He wanted to ask why she’d never gone on a vacation anywhere else, what her family had done with their holidays, but her entire demeanor had shifted and Steve could feel her pulling away from him as surely as if she had walked away. He dropped the subject.

They walked on for a while and finished their lunches. Steve suggested they walk over to the carousel just outside the zoo.

Maria looked at him as if she thought it was an odd request, but Steve just shrugged.

“We’re dressed up like the kids,” he explained. “We may as well act like the kids.”

A small smile returned to her face and Steve shoved his hands into his coat pockets to keep himself from reaching for her.

They were able to sit on two horses next to each other. Steve was both surprised and pleased that she hadn’t opted for the seats. That she wanted to sit on the moving horses was just more proof to him that she wasn’t what everyone in the office seemed to think, stuffy, boring, dull. He’d had to excuse himself from more than one of those conversations, and not only because it made him angry to hear them speak of her that way, but because his mind would instantly recall just how incredibly _un_ -boring she was. 

Maria sat on her horse in a manner worthy of Morticia Addams. She was straight and regal as she rode the horse around side-saddle. Steve couldn’t keep the grin off his face. He had started this day unsure what exactly would happen, and he’d be lying if he hadn’t hoped things would end as they had that night in August, but now, he would be content knowing he’d again been able to make her smile.

The drive back to her apartment became silent, Steve was trying to figure out how to appropriately say goodnight to her. It had been difficult in Brooklyn not to invite her back to his apartment. He tried to remember what a patient person everyone always told him he was.

“Do you want to come up?” she asked as he parked the car.

Every nerve ending Steve had stood on edge. He killed the engine and swallowed the lump that had immediately formed in his throat.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said as he turned to her. “I just…”

“I’m sorry,” she said and cut off his words. “I shouldn’t have put you on the spot. I was…”

She trailed off.

She looked so unsure of herself and Steve didn’t want to end the day on a down note so he reached over and took her hand in his.

Steve looked anywhere but at Maria when he felt the same spark he had the first time their hands had touched. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

“It was a nice day,” he said. “I don’t want it to end either.”

He finally ventured a glance at her and was relieved to find only a soft smile on her face.

“But I know that we can’t have that right now,” he said. “It was just good to see you smile again.”

Her look turned guarded instantly and Steve wondered what about that scared her. He decided to venture one of his thoughts on the matter.

“You have a beautiful smile,” he said. “Not that every part of you isn’t beautiful…”

He stopped, realizing what he’d just said.

“I mean, um,” Steve fumbled to regain his footing.

When he dared to look back at her, he saw that same confused look he’d seen the night they’d met. He wanted to take her up to her apartment and wipe it off the way he had then.

“Um, it’s just that, well, I know it’s not easy being on top when you’re a woman.”

Steve groaned when he realized how his words had come out.

“I mean, you’re practically the CFO,” he said. “I know that there is just a certain way you probably have to act at work so people will respect you.”

When he looked up at her again, he was relieved to at least see that confused look gone. Now he just had to figure a way to leave her smiling.

“You know, when I was a kid, my mom, she was a nurse, but she wanted to have more regular hours so she took an administrative position,” Steve told her. “She said it was so hard to adjust to it because if she was friendly, like she was when she was a nurse, none of the men would respect her. They’d just think she was a flirt.”

A knowing smile grew on Maria’s lips and Steve figured it was better than no smile at all.

He took another leap of faith.

“I bet you’ve never been to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade,” he said.

She opened her mouth slightly before she shook her head and Steve knew she realized exactly what he was going to say.

“Maybe we could go together?” he suggested.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Isn’t that on TV?”

Steve was surprised that she didn’t seem sure, but not surprised she was hesitant. He was glad to have an ace in the hole for this occasion.

“Yeah, but you won’t be unless you hang out the window,” he smiled mischievously at her.

“What?” she asked with a slight laugh.

“I have a friend who lives right on the route,” he said. “I go there every year.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” she said. “He doesn’t mind you bringing someone?”

Steve shook his head.

“He’ll be happy to meet you,” he assured her.

Steve stepped out of the car to get the door for Maria and walked her to the foot of the stairs outside her building.

“I really did have a wonderful time, Steve,” she said. “Thank you.”

She looked as if she’d say more so Steve waited, but she only shook her head before she turned and headed inside. Steve sighed and pulled his coat more tightly around himself as he walked back to his car.

* * *

“What’d Sam say?” Bucky asked.

Steve had him on speaker on his cellphone as he washed up his dinner dishes.

“'Yes,' of course,” Steve told him.

“No, I mean, what did he _say_?” Bucky emphasized.

Steve sighed.

“Come on,” Bucky said “Or I’ll call him myself and tell him just how lovesick you are over this girl.”

“She’s not a ‘girl,’” Steve said. “And I am not…”

Bucky’s laughter interrupted Steve’s denial.

“You do know you’re a lousy liar, right?” Bucky said.

Steve felt a pang of guilt over the lie he’d justified telling Maria, twice now. These really were dates, she just didn’t know it yet.

“Fine, he asked if I wanted the place for just the two of us,” Steve mumbled.

“That’s all?” Bucky said.

“No, but that’s all I want Homeland Security to hear,” Steve joked.

“Fine,” Bucky acquiesced. “Everything else OK with her?”

“I guess,” Steve said. “Things at work are still the same.”

“Well, you know, you could just stay a little later,” Bucky said. “You said she always works late. She’s got a sofa or a chair or..”

“Bucky,” Steve cut off the rest of his friend’s words now that he knew where he was headed.

“Aw, come on, Steve-o,” Bucky whined. “Live a little, will you?”

“I have a feeling that if I tried what you’re suggesting, I wouldn’t be living very long,” Steve chuckled as he dried his hands after pulling the plug on the kitchen sink.

“Yeah, she is quite the woman,” Bucky said. “She’d probably cut you to pieces, starting with the most important piece.”

Steve rolled his eyes and groaned as he carried the phone into the living room.

“Worked out your Christmas plans with her yet?” Bucky asked.

Steve sighed.

“I have a few ideas,” he said.

“Mistletoe,” Bucky said.

Steve laughed.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Steve said. “It will still be too soon, and I hope I’ll still be working at Stark.”

“How long are you planning on spending on this project,” Bucky asked.

“She’s a person, not a project,” Steve reminded him.

“Still, this could take, well, until you find another job,” Bucky said.

“Yeah, I know,” Steve said and let out a small sigh of frustration.

“She really worth it?” Bucky asked.

“She is,” Steve assured him.

“Well, I’ll be home soon enough to check that for myself,” Bucky said.

“Sooner than January?” Steve asked.

“No, but that’ll still be soon enough,” Bucky said. “Unless you plan on getting bored and moving on.”

“Not a chance,” Steve smiled.

“I didn’t think so,” Bucky said. “You’re a true hopeless romantic.”

* * *

The following week Steve rarely saw Maria at work. She spent a lot of time in meetings and, as usual, she was there long before he arrived and remained long after he left. There was a tension in the air among the accountants and others in the financial office who had been there far longer than Steve. He tried to stay focused on putting together the quarterly report that was due at the end of the week, but he was worried about what was happening behind the scenes.

The report was to be released on Friday, Halloween, but Steve’s work was done and, this time he was definitely glad he was only a lackey. When he passed by Sitwell’s office on his way out, he saw the man staring intently at the phone as if he was waiting for an inevitable, and bad, phone call. Steve boarded the lift and stared down the hall at Maria’s door. It was closed but he knew she was inside. He pulled his cellphone out and stared at it as he rode the lift down to the lobby. He considered calling her and asking her to come over to Sam’s and Sharon’s with him to pass out candy at their apartment or at least go somewhere for a bite to eat later. Instead he shoved his phone in his pocket as the doors slid open. It was the end of the quarter, she’d have no time for that.

Still, the situation at work unnerved him enough that, as he sat inside the Wilson’s apartment he couldn’t help glancing at his phone every once in a while.

“Staring at it ain’t gonna make her call you,” Sam said.

Steve shook his head.

“It’s not that,” he told Sam. “It just seemed a little intense for a quarterly. I mean, yes, there’s a bit of tension normally, and if a company is going to end up in the red, it’s higher, but this was really bad.”

“You think something bad’s going to come out?” Sam asked.

He stood and walked over to the refrigerator to pull out two beers. When he walked back to the sofa he handed one to Steve.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I have an alert set on the SI app to see what happens when everything’s official.”

Sam leaned back in his chair and shook his head.

“Are you worried about it because it might affect your job, or because it might affect hers?”

Steve smiled as he blushed.

“Wow,” Sam exclaimed. “You really do have it bad for this girl.”

“She’s not a girl,” Steve admonished.

“Who isn’t?” a small voice asked.

Steve turned to see that Sharon and her 10yo daughter, Darcy, had finally emerged from Darcy’s bedroom. He smiled at her.

“Well, look at you ‘Dorothy,’” Sam said. “You look great.”

“Thanks, Sam,” she told her step-father. “Now all I need is a dog.”

Steve laughed as Darcy gave Sam a huge grin.

“Yeah, kid, not happening,” he said.

Darcy stuck her bottom lip out, but Steve could see she was only joking.

“Ready to get some candy?” Sharon asked.

Darcy bounced over to the door and picked up her basket while Sharon said goodbye to Steve and Sam.

When the door shut, Steve turned to Sam.

“Still haven’t figured out which dog is perfect?” he asked.

Sam sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.

“Sharon’s still researching it,” he told Steve. “And you know how long that takes.”

“Think she’ll be done by Darcy’s birthday?” Steve asked.

“I can only hope,” Sam said.

There was knock on the door and a child’s voice called out “Trick-or-treat.”

“Well, time to get to business,” Sam said as he stood.

* * *

The next hour went by quickly and Steve enjoyed seeing the kids in their costumes almost as much as they enjoyed getting their candy. Sam and Sharon always went all out for holidays and both had generous natures so each of the kids walked away with a full-size candy instead of the usual bite-size, making the Wilson’s apartment the most popular in the building.

After Sharon returned with Darcy, she and Sam headed out to an office Halloween party at Sharon’s work. Steve and Darcy settled onto the sofa to watch her costume’s movie, The Wizard of Oz. Shortly after returning from the kitchen with popcorn, however, Steve found himself being interrogated.

“So, Mom and Sam say you finally got a girlfriend,” Darcy said.

“Um, well, not exactly,” he said.

“How can you not exactly have a girlfriend?”

Steve sighed.

“It’s complicated,” he said.

“That’s what Sam and my mom say when I ask them something they don’t want to explain,” she said.

Steve stared at her.

“OK, well, you see, I fell in love with this woman but later I started a new job and she turned out to be my boss,” he said.

Darcy stared at him for a moment.

“What’s so complicated about that?” she asked. “Sounds really cool. You get to see her at work every day so you’ll know whether you like her or not, like my mom and Sam when they met.”

“Well, they weren’t bosses,” Steve said. “It’s like,” he paused, how did one explain something like this to a ten year old?

“It’s like being in the military,” he started.

“Like Bucky?” she interrupted.

“Yes,” he said. “Bucky can’t be in love with someone who’s a different rank than he is. It’s not allowed. One of them would have to leave the military so they could be together.”

“So Stark Industries is like the military?” she asked.

“No, but the rules are somewhat similar,” he said.

She didn’t look convinced.

“I watch lots of movies where the boss falls in love with someone who works for him,” she said.

Steve processed that for a moment before he replied.

“Yes, but that was,” he was going to say it was a long time ago, but he realized it still happened, it just didn’t happen like this.

“She’s a woman,” he started.

“Well, duh,” Darcy said and rolled her eyes at him.

Steve chuckled at the same moment the Wicked Witch of the West cackled and Darcy found that hilarious so she laughed loudly at him. When she settled down she was serious again.

“Is this a feminist thing?” she asked.

“Well, I guess it kind of is,” he said. “See, Maria is in charge of a large part of the corporation. If she was to get involved with someone who is lower than her, well, rank, a lot of men, and even some women, would lose respect for her.”

“Wow, that’s stupid,” Darcy said.

Steve nodded.

“Yes, but there’s nothing Maria can do about that,” he said.

“Is she in love with you?” she asked.

Steve thought for a moment.

“I think so,” he said. “At least, I hope she is.”

“But how will you ever get together with her and get married and have kids if you can’t even date her?”

Steve chuckled at Darcy again, thankfully not when the witch cackled.

“Well, I don’t know,” he said. “I suppose one day I’ll have to get another job.”

“Why don’t you do that now?” she asked.

At that moment, Steve’s phone buzzed with a text. He picked it up off the table. It was from Sam telling him to turn on CNN. He turned it on his phone and Darcy climbed over to watch it with him.

When the video feed finally began, Steve saw Maria speaking at a press conference.

“Hey, that lady’s name is Maria,” Darcy said. “Is that her?”

“Yeah,” he said, then shushed her so he could listen.

Maria was answering the usual questions a CFO would have to answer after a bad report. Steve had gathered things were bad, that the former CFO who had stepped down around the time Steve had been hired had made a mess of things, but he had no idea the company was over $10 million short.

He finally read the ticker feed on the bottom of the screen. Apparently Alexander Pierce was now a wanted fugitive. He was suspected to be in Argentina and the Feds were hoping to get the Argentinian government to pick him up, otherwise, he was still a free man.

And Maria was standing before the press answering the hard questions as if she was the criminal, not Pierce. Steve felt his anger grow the more questions Maria was asked. To his surprise, it was her calm demeanor as she answered even the most tedious or repetitive question that kept him from completely losing his cool.

Finally, Tony Stark walked over to the podium to take Maria’s place and field some questions. That surprised Steve because Stark wasn’t really much of a hands on owner and CEO. But when Stark thanked Maria for her help the past months in trying to get things together as much as possible, there was something in the man’s eyes as he looked at Maria that, if a person truly could turn green with jealousy, Steve would have been more green than the Wicked Witch of the West on the TV screen.

“Wow,” Darcy’s voice pulled him out and reminded him he was supposed to be babysitting his friend’s impressionable step-daughter.

“Sorry,” he said, his throat was parched and the word croaked out.

“You should probably stay away from that Stark guy for a few days,” Darcy suggested.

Steve gave her a confused look.

“You looked like you were going to rip him apart,” she said.

Steve opened his mouth to reply but wasn’t entirely sure what to say.

“You’re totally jealous of him,” Darcy said and she started to laugh.

“I am not,” Steve tried to defend himself.

“Don’t even think you can tell me otherwise,” Darcy said. “I saw Sam look at a guy at the market once like that. Some guy had tried to come on to mom, I thought Sam was going to take the guy down in the cereal aisle.”

Steve wanted to laugh, but he was still reeling from the news out of SI and from that look Stark gave Maria. He looked back down at his screen, then turned off the phone, silencing Stark’s voice, which had grown exponentially annoying as the seconds ticked by.

“You don’t need to worry, though,” Darcy said. “She didn’t look at him that way.”

Steve gave Darcy a tight smile.

“I’d like to see what kind of look she’d give you,” Darcy said.

Steve stared at her a moment.

“How old are you?” he asked, jokingly.

“10 going on 40, Sam says,” she laughed.

“Well, I think he might just be right,”

He looked back at the TV where Dorothy was clicking her heels together and repeating her mantra, “There’s no place like home.”

“She’s coming on Thanksgiving, right?” Darcy said.

“Yes,” he said.

“Oh, good,” Darcy looked far too thrilled.

“What?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure he wanted an answer.

“I’m gonna see how she looks at you,” she said. “You can tell by the look if the person is in love with you.”

“Well, there’s more to it than that,” Steve said.

“Yeah, I know, they have to act like they love you and treat you right,” Darcy said.

Steve nodded and was glad that Maria didn’t have a child already. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this level of parenting yet.

* * *

Life at SI was crazy when Steve returned to work on Monday morning. At lunch, Maria’s personal assistant, Natasha, grabbed him by the arm and told him he needed to help her go pick up everyone’s sandwiches in the lobby. When they got to the third floor she pulled him off the lift and into a break room.

“Maria spent the entire weekend in the office,” the red head told him.

He stared at her for a moment, unsure how to respond.

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked.

Natasha’s look told her she was not falling for that.

“Look, you don’t get to be a personal assistant to a CFO of a major corporation without learning how to read people,” she informed him.

Steve nodded, fear slowly rising in his throat like bile.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything,” she said. “I just thought that since you obviously care about her you’d like to know.”

“And what am I supposed to do with that knowledge?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Natasha said. “Invite her over for a back rub?”

Steve flushed in embarrassment.

Natasha nodded knowingly.

“So it is still platonic,” she said.

Steve’s blush grew deeper and his collar felt too tight.

“But you don’t want it to be anymore,” Natasha said.

Steve was not enjoying being in the hot seat at all.

“Don’t we have some sandwiches to pick up?” he asked.

“Yeah, but they won’t be here for at least another ten minutes,” Natasha said with a shrug.

Steve gaped at her in surprise.

“Look, she doesn’t have anyone,” Natasha said.

“She has family in Chicago,” Steve said.

“She told you that?” she asked.

“Um, no, she told me she’d never lived anywhere but Chicago,” his voice trailed off as he realized he still knew relatively nothing about Maria’s personal life.

“Look up her bio online,” Natasha said. “I mean, she has a dad, but if you talk to her, after a while you’ll realize that there’s nothing between them at all. He might as well be dead.”

Steve swallowed thickly. He wasn’t sure what to make of that. He’d been orphaned before he was 15 and would give almost anything to have his parents back. Maria had a father but didn’t want anything to do with him. He couldn’t understand at all.

He nodded and Natasha gave him a concerned look.

“All parents don’t love their kids,” she informed him.

He gave her a surprised look.

“I’m just saying, don’t write her off because of that,” she said.

Steve nodded again. Natasha’s phone buzzed.

“OK, the sandwiches really are here now,” she said as she looked at the device.

She turned and opened the door before he could get to it and he followed her back to the lift.

* * *

He only saw Maria once that day. She was busy with the media, not to mention the SEC. That night he stayed late as Bucky had suggested. Natasha gave him an approving nod as she left and Steve picked up some papers off his desk and slid them into a file folder to make it look as if he was taking work in to Maria.

As usual, her door remained open after Natasha left for the evening. He rapped twice though to announce his presence and see if she’d allow him entrance. She was hunched over her desk, pencil between her teeth, stylus clicking regularly on her StarkPad. Her hair was just beginning to come out of her bun. Steve thought she was beautiful. For a brief second before she looked up, he began to indulge in a fantasy based on Bucky’s suggestion, but he schooled his face when her gaze came up to his.

She removed the pencil from her mouth and stared at him for a moment, as if she didn’t even know who he was. Then she seemed to come to her senses.

“Do you need something?” she asked and pointed to his folder.

He looked down and moved the folder behind him and shook his head. Then he stepped carefully into the office.

“I was just wondering how you were doing,” he said.

“Busy,” she stated.

He gave her a non-plused look to let her know he was looking for a different answer.

She took a deep breath as she leaned back in her chair. She pursed her lips then looked out her window for a few seconds before turning back to him.

“Rogers, it’s a mess,” she said. “What do you want me to say?”

Steve tried to remain unaffected by her use of his last name. It’s how she addressed him at work, but he had a feeling that was not the reason tonight. He swallowed down his fears and continued with the reason he came in the first place.

“I just wanted to let you know that if you need a break or something, just call,” he said.

He hoped his voice sounded more confident than his heart felt.

She only stared at him so he tried to tempt her with something he thought she’d like.

“We could go for a ride on my bike,” he said.

Her face softened slightly and she closed her eyes and sighed. Steve’s hopes were raised for several seconds, but then she began to shake her head. When she opened her eyes again, Steve knew her answer.

“Steve.” Her voice saying name washed over him and he tried to draw comfort from it, but he knew what she was going to say.

“I can’t,” she explained. “Anything that looks improper right now could…”

She trailed off, which was about as much emotion as he knew he could expect from her at work.

“Is it improper to have a friend?” he asked, ready to grasp at any straw he could.

“You don’t understand,” she started.

“I do, really,” he said.

He wasn’t bitter, just resigned.

“But if you want someone just…”

“I don’t need anyone,” she cut him off.

Steve was surprised at the harshness in her voice.

“I’ve always been alone, and I’ve done just fine,” she said.

There was a quick flash of fear across her face and Steve realized she had said far more than she had wanted. He thought about what Natasha had told him, that Maria had a father but had nothing to do with him. Had he been the one to make her think she didn’t need anyone? He felt his face warm with anger toward this man whose name he didn’t even know. Unfortunately, Maria saw it and he could tell she took it the wrong way. Her eyes narrowed and he could almost literally see her throw up a high wall around herself as her body stiffened.

“I need to get back to work,” she said.

“Maria,” Steve scrambled to fix things.

“Ms. Hill, will do fine,” she said as she looked back down at her work.

He knew he was dismissed but he couldn’t leave like this.

“It’s just that I can’t stand that thought,” he said. “I don’t want you to have to be alone, and I, well, please, just call me.”

She didn’t look up, didn’t acknowledge his words. He stood for half a minute and watched her, then slowly turned to leave.

Two hours later he sat on his sofa, nursing a beer and staring at his phone on the coffee table.

Occasionally he’d glance up at the door to his bedroom. He was exhausted from the stress of the day, but he couldn’t bring himself to go in there. He’d been buoyed by hope lately, and he’d allowed himself the pleasure of remembering their night together. Now he couldn’t go in, couldn’t look at the bed, the chair, and recall the far too brief moment he had with her and how much it had meant to him.

He spent another hour, waiting, hoping, for a call he knew was never going to come.

He’d finish each evening the same over the next month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, AUs are so great. You can make people whatever age you want. Of course, I didn't really change Darcy's personality. ;)
> 
> Don't worry too much about Steve. My people always get their happy endings, except when they don't, but that's just Daffodils. Everyone else grows old together. They just suffer a lot along the way. :)
> 
> Feels weird to post this now. I'm in such a different place in my life than when I started. It's definitely changed a few things in the story during the editing.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this update. And have a Happy Thanksgiving.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really like Maria and Steve. Though you'd never know by the way I treat them. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult to cover an entire month in one chapter. I hope it doesn't seem rushed. :) Anyway, this chapter picks up immediately after the previous.

_Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?  
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?_

Maria went home and fell straight into bed, fully clothed. She was asleep before her eyes closed. Her dreams were full of figures and totals and flashing bulbs of press cameras. But always, at the outer edge, there was Steve. He kept smiling at her and holding out his hand for her to take. Every fiber of her being told her to go to him, to accept the help he was offering, that she could trust him. But things kept coming in between them, her desk at work, the press, the people from the SEC, the media. Always something blocked her when she tried to reach for him.

When her alarm went off at 4, she jerked awake, her hair and clothing were plastered to her body from the sweat. She switched on the lamp and undressed as she walked toward the shower. She tried to reason out her dream. She’d never had many in her life, possibly because she hadn’t had many full nights of sleep, but she didn’t put a whole lot of stock in them. This one was difficult to ignore.

It was stress from working through the weekend and facing the SEC for the first time as someone in charge, not just as an assistant. Steve was only a distraction, just as she’d told herself from the moment she had to make the call on the financials last week. She’d faced every major crisis, whether in life or in work, alone, and she could do this one alone as well.

She toweled off and dressed and readied herself for the day. At 5:30 she received a call that the driver Stark had for her was downstairs. When she opened the building door, she was relieved to find that the press hadn’t decided she was newsworthy enough to wait outside her apartment the way they were Stark’s. And she arrived at work early enough that they weren’t outside Stark Tower yet, either.

The day went mostly as she suspected it would, with the exception that she was asked to go to DC to meet with nearly every federal agency she’d heard of. Natasha made all the arrangements and Maria left early to pack. As she walked back out into the office and toward the lift, she could see Steve out of the corner of her eye, he was talking to someone else but he had the same smile on his face he’d had in her dream. She felt his eyes follow her to the elevator but she ignored him.

DC was worse than the stuff of nightmares. Even though she hadn’t even been in New York, let alone worked for Stark when all of this had happened, she found herself on the firing line. It didn’t help to consider whether this had to do with her gender or her age, though she was extremely young to be doing this level of work, she had no choice but to answer questions as if she was on trial.

Stark showed up the next day. He said he was there to “help” but Maria wasn’t sure what help he could be. Then he said something that, if she didn’t have a tighter control on herself, would have completely unnerved her.

“A person shouldn’t have to go through something like this alone.”

Maria looked at him as blandly as she could manage.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“It’s just that you should have someone who you know has your back,” he replied.

Maria wasn’t sure what had brought this about but the fact that the first person who crossed her mind when Stark was talking was Steve didn’t help calm her nerves.

She almost gave him the same line she had given Steve, that she’d never had anyone and didn’t need anyone now, but Stark didn't deserve that much personal information about her, and she wasn’t trying to push him away like she was Steve.

Mostly, she just tried to ignore him, and she did a pretty good job until Stark decided all his people who were in DC should attend a black tie fundraiser for some political PAC he supported. Maria argued that she hadn’t brought anything to wear for such an occasion, but Tony waved her off and said he’d have his assistant send something over. All sorts of alarm bells went off in Maria’s head. The last time someone had sent her clothing it was Steve. No one else had ever done something like that. It made her wonder if Stark wasn’t trying to be more than supportive.

When she returned to her hotel room on Friday in the early afternoon she found a box that had been delivered. She looked at the tag with the name of the store and paled. She could never have afforded to shop there. She was certain any dress Stark could have picked out was worth more than she made a month.

The dress was appropriate for the season and the occasion, not revealing or too form fitting, but Maria had to take a deep breath because it was the same color as the dress she’d worn the night she met Steve.

She lay down to rest before the party and considered how far too many things kept pointing her back to Steve.

Maria was never one for parties. She had no idea how to make small-talk with anyone and large groups of people made her nervous and wore her out. Stark hovering, and he was definitely hovering, in her peripheral vision, only made matters worse.

When they sat for dinner Maria tried to reason that hierarchy dictated that Tony should sit next to her. But his attention to her over general conversation was troubling. Tony’s reputation as a womanizer was well-known and Maria knew that just being in his presence would cause the tabloids to speculate about the two of them.

She reminded herself that Tony had tried nothing, nor had he said anything that would indicate that he was interested in more than a working relationship. But a small voice inside was warning her off.

At the end of the evening, she and two of Stark’s people who lived in the DC Metro area left in Stark’s limo along with Tony. It wasn’t anything strange, that’s how they had arrived and it didn’t bother Maria when Tony left the limo with her. They were staying in the same hotel after all. But when Stark walked her to her door, Maria worried she was going to have to put Stark in his place.

She felt herself tense as she pulled her key card from her purse and she turned to tell Stark goodnight.

“So, who is he?” Tony asked.

Maria opened her mouth slightly and blinked.

“What?”

“The guy who’s been on your mind all night?” he said with a smirk as if he might know and Maria was more worried about this than she had been at the prospect of fending off advances from her boss.

“Work’s been on my mind,” she replied calmly.

Tony nodded but his look told Maria he didn’t believe it.

“Married to your work, right?” he said.

Maria nodded.

“That never works out,” Tony said.

Maria narrowed her eyes.

“I don’t see how it’s any business of yours,” she rebuked.

He only nodded again and shrugged.

“I guess it’s not,” he said. “I just like my people to be happy.”

“And you think a relationship is what makes a person happy,” she said.

He shrugged again.

“It can be,” he replied.

Maria was tired of being under the microscope, even though it only had to do with work, and she had no patience for this sort of conversation.

“Is that why you have so many of them?”

“Yeah, that is my reputation,” Tony acknowledged.

Maria sighed audibly. She wasn’t interested in her boss’s love life.

“Just think about it,” Tony said. “If he’s important enough to you that you have him on your mind even in the midst of all this, he’s more important to you than you probably want to admit.”

* * *

As Maria had expected, her vicinity to Stark at the party had made her the fodder of the gossip columnists. But, as she hadn’t expected, her first thoughts when she saw it weren’t concern for how this would affect her career, rather, what was Steve going to think? Would he believe what he read in the tabloids?

Maria returned to New York on Saturday. She worked through the weekend without incident, but come Monday morning, there was a knot in her stomach. She hadn’t heard from Steve asking to confirm or deny the stories. She wasn’t sure how he would act at work if he thought she was having an affair with Stark.

For Stark’s part, he tried to squelch the rumors and seemed more upset about it that she. He intentionally did an interview with a major news network, supposedly on his company’s financial crisis, but turned it into a diatribe about the tabloids and social media spreading lies about Maria having a relationship with him. He had even texted her over the weekend to apologize for the frenzy which seemed to get more attention than the issues at Stark Industries.

At their staff meeting that morning, Maria couldn’t look at Steve. She felt embarrassed in a way she never had before. And she was all too happy to leave the floor for a conference with the board members, a task she normally despised.

But the thing that ended up disturbing her the most that day was the way she caught her personal assistant, Natasha, stealing glances at Steve. She tried to reason that Natasha was in a relationship. Clint, or something like that. She had a picture of the two of them on her desk. Surely she wouldn’t be trying to get involved with Steve.

And what would it matter if she did? Maria argued with herself. Maybe Natasha’d be good for Steve. But that though just left her feeling empty.

Maria avoided Steve at almost all costs, not caring how it looked or what he thought. He was either going to ask her about the tabloids or he was going to ask her about Thanksgiving, neither conversation was one she wanted to have.

Two weeks went by and things seemed to have settled down, at least as regarded the lies about her relationship with Stark.

On Friday night Steve came into her office after Natasha left, Maria spared him only a minimal glance before he again asked her to his friend’s place for Thanksgiving.

“I have plans,” she said coldly, hoping it would satisfy him.

He was quiet for a few seconds.

“With Stark?” he asked.

His voice was terse and Maria had to bite back a retort. She took a deep breath before responding.

“And what if it is?” she asked, and finally looked up at him.

She could see all his emotions there on his face, the hurt, the jealousy, the feeling of betrayal. But she only leveled a cold gaze on him.

“I already told you, Rogers,” she continued. “There can be nothing between us.”

“But there can be something between you and the company’s owner.”

Maria didn’t respond and allowed him to assume her answer from her silence.

He swallowed thickly, then nodded. He stood in her doorway for only a few more seconds before he finally turned and walked away.

Maria listened for the elevator and waited until the doors slid shut before letting out the breath that she’d been holding. This was getting more difficult. Every time she saw him she wanted to tell him the truth, wanted to say that they could at least try.

Finally, she shook herself out of her foolishness. She wasn’t made for relationships like that. She didn’t deserve someone like Steve.

* * *

The Monday before Thanksgiving, Maria woke with a stomach ache, in fact, she woke several times that morning with a stomach ache. Nothing helped, no amount of Mylanta or tea. She climbed into the car at 6:30 and leaned back with a groan. Happy looked in the mirror with concern.

“Should I take you to the doctor instead of work?” he asked.

Maria shook her head.

“No, I’ll be fine,” she told him.

She assumed it was nerves and stress, but she didn’t want to say anything because it had nothing to do with work, or the SEC, or the possible extradition of Alexander Pierce from Argentina. It had to do with her conversation with Steve the week before. She had mulled over his words all weekend, even in the midst of all her work. She couldn't get the pained look on his face out of her mind.

Work was quiet that week. With the upcoming holiday, Washington was essentially shut down which meant less phone calls for her. She tried to focus on getting caught up so she could face everything again the next Monday. Sitwell already had a holiday planned and would be leaving the middle of the day.

As the day wore on, Maria realized her illness wasn't getting any better. She hated to admit it. She hadn’t been sick like this in years. She was just glad it was a slow week so she could keep herself mostly holed up in her office. Natasha came in after lunch and looked worse than Maria felt so she sent her assistant home. Which was how Stark got into the office unannounced a few hours later.

“You look like something the cat dragged in, as they used to say,” Tony smirked as he leaned against the door jamb.

Maria sighed.

“It’s just the flu,” she said.

“Just?”

“Do you need something Mr. Stark?” she asked

“Well, I was going to get a sitrep from you in person and maybe over dinner, but I don’t think you’re going to want to be eating any time soon,” he surmised.

Maria shook her head.

Tony stood next to her desk and started in on the inevitable encouragement to just go home for the evening.

“I’ll leave in a bit,” she said.

She stood to get a file she’d left on the coffee table across the room, but her legs wobbled beneath her and she reached to brace herself with her desk.

Stark was in front of her immediately, holding her arms to keep her up.

“Maria, don’t be an idiot,” he admonished. “It’s obvious you need to rest. I’m going to call Happy and have him bring the car around for you.”

Maria closed her eyes and pursed her lips. She hated it, but Stark was right. She could take some of it with her and work at home like she usually did.

She softened her stance and opened her eyes. Stark’s worried look caused her to smile slightly. But a movement at the door caught her attention.

Steve stood there, a small stack of papers in his hands, a look of real pain in his eyes as he glanced between her and Tony.

Maria felt a wave of nausea and Tony tightened his grip on her arms. She recovered quickly, though.

“Can I help you with something?” she asked a little cooler than she’d intended.

Steve took a moment to recover his voice.

“Um, Mr. Sitwell needs your signature on these,” he said.

He walked stiffly to her desk and set the papers down, averting his eyes from the two of them, then, with his head down and his shoulders hunched, he walked out of the office.

Maria was certain that if she had eaten anything that day it would all have come up in that moment.

Tony guided her to sit back into her chair, then he walked to the door as he pulled out his phone to summon his driver.

He shut the door then turned around as he hung up the phone.

“I’d love to play poker with that guy,” he said, and jerked his thumb toward the door. “I’d clean house.”

Maria gave him a questioning look.

“That’s him, right?”

She closed her eyes and sank deeper into her seat.

“What’s he do here?” Stark asked. “Is he an accountant?”

She shook her head.

“Clerk,” she said and felt a blush come to her face.

What would Stark think of her now? She was in love with an accounting clerk.

She took a slow breath as that thought hit her. Yes, it was love. She’d never felt this before, but she couldn’t find another word to describe it.

She waited for Stark’s jibe.

“Is he good to you?”

She opened her eyes and watched as Stark kneeled down in front of her, his face serious, no trace of mocking.

“What does it matter?”

“Kind of a lot,” he said. “Isn’t that the most important thing?”

She looked away from him.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” she said.

His phone rang then. Happy was downstairs waiting for them.

Tony helped her up and into her jacket. When she picked up some work he glared at her but didn’t try to stop her.

They walked toward the lift and Maria saw that Steve was not at his desk.

She couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing. He definitely thought there was something between her and Tony now, though she had practically inferred it the previous week.

The ride down in the elevator caused another wave of nausea to hit and Maria felt herself pale. She was glad when the lift doors opened to the parking garage instead of the lobby. At least she wouldn’t be on the TV looking as wretched as she was sure she must by now.

Happy got her home and into her apartment and Maria slept as much as possible. Tony insisted she stay home the rest of the week arguing it was a short week anyway. Maria only agreed, however, because she didn’t want to see Steve again. She wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to see him again. She knew she’d hurt him greatly and it was too much for her to handle. It was inevitable, she wasn’t cut out for love, she didn’t know how to be a good girlfriend. Steve deserved nicer than her and the sooner he realized that, the better.

The rest seemed to do her good and by Thursday morning she felt as if she could work in the office. She called for a cab and headed in, but by the time she got to the financial floor, she was starting to feel light headed again. She figured it was because she hadn’t eaten much over the past few days and pushed the feelings aside to concentrate on her work. It wasn’t Thanksgiving in the rest of the world so she wouldn’t be idle. There were notes and papers to go through from the two days she’d taken off, as well.

By noon she decided to lay down on her sofa and sleep for a while. Her fever was worse and her body ached every time she moved. She’d been asleep a couple hours when she woke with a sharp pain in her abdomen. It was excruciating. Maria felt nauseous and she stood from the sofa to try to make it to the bathroom before she vomited again. The room began to spin and she reached to find something to stop her fall but her legs crumpled under her and she fell as blackness overcame her.

The next thing she knew she heard a voice.

“Maria,” a man called.

Maria tried to focus on the voice.

“Steve,” she whispered, at least she thought she did.

“Maria, please, hold on,” he said. “They’ll be here soon.”

Maria wasn’t sure who would be here soon, but Steve seemed to think that whomever they were it was important for her to be here when they arrived. She squeezed his hand and forced her eyes open.

Steve was hovering over her. His face was contorted with worry and his eyes were red and puffy. He looked as if he’d been crying, but Maria didn’t know why. She tried to ask but her voice would not cooperate.

“Shh,” he hushed her. “Don’t talk. Save your energy.”

She didn’t know what she was saving it for. Didn’t know why she was…was she on the floor? She couldn’t remember. Had she been somewhere with Steve? Yes. Thanksgiving. They were supposed to have Thanksgiving together. No. She reminded herself. She cancelled. She couldn’t. Couldn’t let him in, couldn’t let him close. She had to protect herself. Her job. She had to protect her job.

“ _Married to your work?_ ” Stark’s voice took on a mocking tone in her head.

And she had been mean, so cruel to Steve, and he’d only been kind to her. She had tried to prove to him that she didn’t deserve him, that he was wasting his time on her. So why was he here, with her, looking as if whatever was happening to her was breaking his heart?

“Back here,” he yelled suddenly without turning away from her.

Soon there was a flurry of activity. Men in uniforms, they put an oxygen mask over her face and attached wires to her chest while asking questions she couldn’t answer. She heard Steve answering from somewhere behind them. They braced her to move to the gurney and Maria blacked out. When she opened her eyes she was staring at the ceiling of the elevator.

“Steve?” she whispered.

“I’m right here, Maria,” he said.

She felt his hand on her forehead then his fingers brushed gently through her hair. It took her back to August, resting in his arms after they made love, his hand slowly pulling through her hair. His whispered “stay” still in her ears. He wanted her to stay with him. He wanted her. Someone wanted her. No one had ever wanted her, not even her own father.

“Maria, don’t cry,” Steve whispered. “It’s going to be OK. Everything’s going to be OK.”

Then he pressed his lips to her forehead and Maria wondered if she wasn’t delirious and only imagined him whisper, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was editing this chapter Tony kept shaking his head at me and we had a bit of an argument over his place in my headcanons. Originally he was supposed to come on to Maria, but he kept insisting it didn't make any sense. I guess he just really thinks he can only be matchmaker for Maria in my stories. :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Steve waits for news on Maria's condition, he can't think of anything worse to do than to have a heart-to-heart with Tony Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone. I'm actually nearly done with this whole story. I just have this bit of Steve angst in the next chapter that I want to smooth out. Not sure when I'll get it done. Need to go make cookies for Santa and wrap gifts. :)

_It's only half past the point of oblivion_   
_The hourglass on the table_   
_The walk before the run_   
_The breath before the kiss_   
_And the fear before the flames_   
_Have you ever felt this way?_

Steve sat in the waiting room outside surgery. He wasn’t as good at waiting as everyone liked to think, and he was horrible at doing nothing in a crisis. At the moment he felt as if he could jump out of his skin.

Then it got worse.

“Steve Rogers.”

Steve looked up to see Tony Stark walking toward him. He had a file folder in his hand, but that meant little to Steve at the moment.

He was torn between extreme jealousy and extreme relief. Jealousy because Stark’s presence confirmed to him what he already knew, that the billionaire and Maria were involved. Relief because, as much as Steve hated the idea of Maria with anyone else, at least Stark seemed to care enough to show up for her.

“Tony Stark,” the man said as he held out his hand.

Steve stood and took it in greeting.

“Yes, sir, I know.”

“Sir’s a bit overrated, Tony will do fine, all things considered,” he said.

Steve wasn’t sure what “all things” consisted of and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Had Maria told Stark about them, about that night? Was Stark going to assert his own right to be here instead of Steve?

“Here are the papers from HR for you to give to the, well, whoever needs them,” Tony said as he handed the file to Steve.

Steve gave him a confused look.

“It’s just her health directive that she signed that gives you the right to make her medical decisions if she’s incapable,” Tony explained.

“Me?” Steve asked, his voice squeaking embarrassingly in surprise.

Tony nodded.

“She didn’t tell you?” he asked. “Well, it was just recent so maybe she didn’t get a chance. Things *have* been a bit crazy lately, huh?”

Steve opened the folder and looked at the familiar paperwork. He’d signed his own, with Sam’s and Sharon’s names where his own name was on Maria’s. Only Steve’s name was typed, not hand-written.

“Look, why don’t you sit and I’ll go find whoever needs this,” Stark offered.

Steve was still confused but he gave the man the folder and sat down.

Why would Maria do something like that and not tell him?

Several minutes later, Stark came back and brought coffee and a bag full of sugar and creamer, along with some donuts in another bag.

“Just in case you need something,” he said. “They don’t have much left down in the cafeteria.”

Steve only nodded.

“Why did you bring the papers yourself?” Steve asked, though he hated to know the answer. “Don’t you have people for that?”

Stark nodded.

“Yeah, but I figured you’d take it better from me,” he said.

“Take what,” Steve asked.

Stark leaned in and whispered conspiratorially.

“The name line was blank,” he said.

“What?” Steve turned to face Tony.

“She had told HR she’d get back to them with a local person later, but she never did,” Tony said.

“I don’t understand.” Steve had no idea what Stark was trying to say. He was tired and this seemed more confusing than a game of charades at the moment.

Stark sighed and shook his head.

“Look, there was no name,” he said, sounding a little exasperated. “Someone needs to be able to sign the medical forms and make decisions for her. Who better than the guy who’s in love with her?”

Steve felt his mouth fall open. He wanted to deny it, to save Maria’s job. But the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth, not so soon after telling Maria just that. Instead he just shook his head slightly and hoped that would be enough.

Stark gave him an incredulous look.

“So we’re going to play that game?” he said. “Look, I’m OK with whatever it is between you two.”

Steve wasn’t sure what to think. Did Stark and Maria have an open relationship? Steve didn’t want any part of that. Call him old fashioned, but he wanted an exclusive relationship with her. He didn’t want to share her with anyone else. He hadn’t even wanted to mark her where someone else could see it. He never wanted anyone to think that way about her.

He still couldn’t find anything to say and was sure he looked like an idiot just staring back at Stark.

“Please, it was painfully obvious the other day in the office that you two have a thing for each other,” he said.

Steve swallowed thickly and turned away. He wished right now he was good at hiding his feelings.

“The only thing I saw was the two of you,” he finally said.

Tony groaned comically.

“You believe the tabloids?”

Steve shrugged.

“Look, I can’t control what gets said in the papers,” Tony said.

Steve busied himself with his coffee.

“I couldn’t get an answer from her, so I’m just going on what I saw,” Tony continued.

Steve started on the donut to keep himself from saying anything.

“Oh, OK,” he said. “So, there is something, but there isn’t.”

Steve sighed. He didn’t want to talk about this, especially not with Tony Stark. The guy was every woman’s dream, and if he’d taken a liking to Maria, well, Steve certainly couldn’t blame him.

“This is a difficult conversation to have without the other person talking,” Stark said.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Is there something going on between you two?”

Steve felt his face grow red as he thought how pathetic he must look right now. Him, pining over a beautiful woman who was involved with the world’s most eligible bachelor.

He shook his head hesitantly.

“Then why were you at the Tower?” Stark asked immediately.

Steve closed his eyes and swallowed down the emotion that hit him at the memory of walking into Maria’s office and finding her on the floor, pale, unmoving, barely breathing.

“I knew she’d be working,” he finally managed. “And I brought her some leftovers so she could have Thanksgiving dinner.”

He thought it odd how mechanical it sounded as he repeated the words he’d worked out to say to Maria when he’d left Sam’s with the bag full of food.

Tony sighed loudly.

“Look, Rogers, I’ve been around a lot longer than you and I’ve seen a lot of things, even some strange things, but I have never seen an accounting clerk bring the CFO Thanksgiving dinner.”

Steve stared straight ahead afraid that anything he said or did would reveal too much.

“I don’t see why you’re denying this,” Stark said. “I already told you it is OK with me.”

“It’s not OK with her,” Steve finally told him.

He could see Stark looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Did you know her before the two of you started working at SI?”

“Sort of,” Steve said.

There was another pause, as if Stark was assessing the situation and trying to think what to say next.

“Are you in love with her?”

He closed his eyes and nodded his head. And trusted that Stark meant what he said, that this wouldn’t hurt Maria’s position at the company.

“Career women can be difficult to love,” Stark said.

Steve looked at him.

“I mean, things have come a long way, but there’s still this thought that goes through everyone’s head when they see a woman achieve this level of success.” Stark shook his head.

“Hill’s a genius,” Stark said. “If my company survives this, it’s going to be because of her.

“That’s why I was so angry when the tabloids insinuated we had a thing going on,” he explained.

Steve tried to squash the spark of hope the man’s words gave him. Maria had all but confirmed the tabloids were right. Maybe Tony was just saying these things. Why, though, Steve wouldn’t know.

Tony shook his head as if to shake out the events, then he looked at Steve meaningfully.

“If there is a company at the end of all this, I’m going to make her our permanent CFO and double her salary,” he told Steve.

Steve couldn’t stop the swell of pride at Tony’s words. He knew he was smiling now, and he knew Stark would read something into it, but to hear the man praise Maria like that gave him a great sense of satisfaction.

Tony quirked an eyebrow at him and Steve tried to curb his enthusiasm.

They were silent for several minutes before Tony spoke again.

“You ever thought about being a stay-at-home dad?” he asked Steve.

“What?”

“I mean, I doubt you went all the way to ‘SC and studied the Arts just to be an accounting clerk,” Tony said.

Steve wasn’t sure how he knew Steve’s alma mater or his major, but the man did have a point.

“I needed a job,” Steve explained.

Tony nodded.

“Yeah, student loans are pretty terrible,” he said.

Steve began to feel uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

“But, seriously, how about it?” he asked. “I mean, with the amount Maria’s going to be making, it would be doable. You couldn’t live in opulence, but you could have a nice place with a couple bedrooms, maybe even stay in the city so the commute isn’t bad. Or you could get a place in Jersey, nice sized yard, good schools.”

Hearing Stark’s plans for his and Maria’s lives unnerved Steve, but he just shook his head.

“It would look inappropriate,” Steve said. “I don’t want people talking about her.”

Tony stared at him again.

“Yeah, I get that,” the man sighed as if he truly did.

Then he was silent again.

Steve wondered what was taking the surgery so long. The EMT’s has suspected it was appendicitis. If his mom was still alive he’d call her and ask how long his own surgery had taken when he was ten.

“I bet you were pretty angry when you saw the papers run that story about Maria and me,” Stark chuckled.

Steve wished Stark would go away. The man obviously didn’t know how to be quiet for longer than a few minutes and Steve really didn’t want to think about this anymore.

“Did she call you?” Tony asked him.

Steve closed his eyes and wondered if he could somehow wish this man out of the room.

“The first thing I did was call this woman I know,” he said. “She, well, she’s…”

He paused for a moment.

“You know I haven’t actually dated anyone, or even gone out on a date in over a year.”

Steve was pretty sure it was none of his business and he couldn’t figure out what this had to do with a phone call.

Stark leaned into him again and whispered.

“If you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll let you in on a secret,” Tony said. “I totally understand your situation.”

“You do?” Steve asked, not sure if he really believed Tony.

Stark nodded.

“See, there’s this woman, and I am head-over-heels in love with her, but, well, she thinks a relationship with me would be inappropriate,” he explained.

“Why?” Steve asked.

Stark sighed and looked genuinely regretful.

“Because I messed up so horribly before I fell in love with her.”

He shook his head.

“See, we’ve worked together for years and she knows all about the other women. It wasn’t until about three years ago that I actually began to realize I would fall apart, I mean, everything about me, my work, my personal life, everything I’d lose if I lost her. Once I did I thought, well, she would never be interested in someone like me because she’s too good for me. She’s a nice person, I’m an ass. She cares about others, I only care about myself. So I tried to date this other nice girl I met, and really I tried to make a go of it, but she figured it out. Too smart I guess. She told me it was obvious I was in love with someone else and she wouldn’t play second fiddle. After that, I haven’t dated anyone. I told this other woman how I felt, that’s when she told me that she did care for me, which, of course, I thought I’d won at that point, but then she dropped reality on me. She pointed out that her career would be ruined if she had a relationship with me, just because of the rumors. People would talk about her.”

Stark ended his rambling monologue and leaned back into his seat. He seemed to be rehashing things in his mind and Steve realized the man truly did understand. Maria couldn’t be with him because people would talk. He could never have people think so little of her. He loved her too much.

Steve was quiet as well as he tried to focus on that part of his problem and not the part where he wondered how the surgery was going and why it was taking so long.

A nurse came over and interrupted his thoughts with papers to sign.

That brought his attention back to Stark’s lie about Steve being on the papers.

When the nurse left he turned to Stark.

“Why did you really put my name on the papers?”

“I called her father right after security called me,” he said. “I kind of know the guy. We’ve met a few times. He’s a corporate lawyer in Chicago.

“He told me he was busy and couldn’t come to New York but if he needed to sign anything I could fax him.”

Tony shook his head.

“I wanted to fly over right then and beat some sense into the guy,” he said and glanced at Steve. “And by the look on your face, you’d like a piece of him as well.”

Steve took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat.

“Did you know?” Tony asked.

“Know what?” Steve asked.

“About her father?” He clarified.

“Only a little,” Steve said.

He recalled Maria’s reaction to being asked about family vacations when they were at the zoo, and Natasha’s words.

Tony was quiet after that, surprisingly. Steve was relieved. He was exhausted. He hadn’t slept well for a month. It seemed foolish to lose sleep over Maria, but he wasn’t finding it easy to just get over her.

It was another hour before the doctor came out to talk to them.

“I’m Doctor Banner,” the man held out his hand to Steve and Tony as they stood. “Which one of you is Mr. Rogers?”

Tony pointed to Steve who nodded. His voice seemed stuck in his throat.

“It was a difficult surgery,” he said. “Her appendix ruptured before we began so we had to get all the poison out of her body before we could even complete the appendectomy.”

Steve didn’t have to be told how bad that was. A ruptured appendix could kill a person. He felt his knees slightly weaken and hated the fact that Stark held out a hand to make sure Steve didn’t drop to the floor.

“It’s going to be a more difficult recovery as a result,” he said. “The next few hours will tell us if the infection will do any more damage.”

Steve nodded.

“Can I see her?”

“She’s in recovery,” the doctor told him. “As soon as she’s moved into a room, the nurse will come get you. She’ll be in the ICU for at least the first 24 hours so only one visitor at a time.”

Steve nodded again then sat hard on the seat as the doctor left. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. His thoughts wanted to go in a hundred different directions, it didn’t help that his fight or flight reaction was permanently set on fight. He wished Stark wasn’t here to witness his weakness, it made it worse.

“She’s going to be OK,” Stark interrupted his thoughts.

Steve didn’t look up or acknowledge the man’s words.

“She’s a fighter,” he continued. “She’d have to be to get as far as she has in life. It’s not easy for a woman to get this far in finance.”

Stark’s phone buzzed and Steve was relieved the man would have to leave to take it. He glanced over to acknowledge Stark telling him just that and he caught the picture on the screen. It was a strawberry blonde, her smile, and the angle, indicated the picture was not a formal one, but one someone had taken, maybe secretly. She looked familiar to Steve and he tried to place her as Tony walked away and spoke into the phone.

He returned a few minutes later, his face wearing a false smile. Steve had become familiar with that look, it was the one he saw in the mirror when he tried to convince himself that things would get better with Maria.

“Your assistant, Pepper Potts,” Steve said as Tony sat next to him again.

Tony only nodded and the two were silent again.

“You know, I think you stand a better chance with Maria,” Tony said after several minutes.

Steve shook his head.

“Really,” Tony insisted. “At least you aren’t some self-centered, billionaire playboy.”

Tony’s voice was bitter.

“You ever thought about being a stay-at-home dad?” Steve smirked.

Tony’s laugh was more of a snort.

“I’m not sure I ever want to leave the company in the care of another again,” he said.

“You know, I kept on my father’s friends,” he explained. “I thought they’d continue his vision. I thought they’d be better suited to the task than someone new.

“First, Obadiah Stane tries to steal the company from me,” he sighed. “Now Alexander Pierce runs off with the money.”

He shook his head in disgust.

“I’ve been running things from California since Stane was arrested,” he said.

“Well, you trust Maria to run the financial side,” Steve said. “I’m sure you can find someone who you can trust to run the company as well.”

“Yeah, but it would have to be someone who really knew how things were done, all the little things that need to happen just to run the day-to-day and keep up with the competition,” he said. “And the person would have to be able to be open to new ideas, not just the status quo. They’d have to be flexible and intelligent. I don’t want to spend a long time training someone, and that’s what I’d probably feel like I’d have to do if I brought someone in.”

He sighed in defeat. Steve knew how he felt. Even if Tony did all those things, it didn’t mean Ms. Potts would so much as go on a date with him, let alone spend the rest of her life with him.

A few minutes later, however, Tony sat up straight in his chair.

“Rogers, you’re a genius,” he said.

He stood.

“Tell Maria I’ll stop by later,” he told him. “I need to take care of something.”

Steve only nodded as he stood and watched Stark leave, an unusual spring in the man’s step.

“Mr. Rogers,” Steve turned to see the nurse. “You can go in to see Ms. Hill now.”

Steve followed the nurse up to the ICU. He washed his hands and put on a gown and face mask as a precaution. Maria was susceptible to everything right now.

He caught his first glimpse of her through the glass wall of her room. She was pale and her cheeks sunken. Wires attached her to machines. She looked so small and weak, not at all like the confident woman who faced down executives and congressmen with a quiet fierceness that unnerved people.

The nurse directed him to a chair on the other side of the bed as she slid open the glass door. Steve walked over to the seat though it terrified him to be this close to her now. He was afraid to touch her, afraid he might hurt her. He couldn’t even say anything because he was afraid if he opened his mouth he would just babble and he was certain he would start crying.

Finally he reached over and touched her hand. It was cold and Steve closed his eyes to concentrate on his breathing in an attempt to rein in his emotions.

For what seemed hours he sat next to her and held her hand. When he felt himself nodding off, he stood and pressed his lips to her forehead, the face mask between them.

“Maria, please stay with me,” he whispered.

Then he sat back down in the chair and fell into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going on memory of an old friend of mine who, years ago, had her appendix rupture after she thought she was down with just the flu. So, not sure if I got the minimal medical facts right.
> 
> Think that's all. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria has secrets from her past she'd rather no one know about, particularly Steve. But, maybe he has a ghost as well. (Worst summary I've written in months.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, second to last chapter. And it's a loooong one. It started out shorter, with all the Steve angst from Steve's POV in the next chapter. But then I wanted to do something else with the ending and I wanted it from Steve's POV, so the Steve angst is from Maria's POV. And if you followed that, give yourself a star. :)

_There you are,_  
_Sitting in the garden,_  
_Clutching my coffee,_  
_Calling me sugar_  
_You called me sugar_

“Is he always so attentive?” the nurse asked, once Steve left the room.

Maria had been in the hospital for five days and she was tired of it. Natasha had brought in some work for her on Monday and Steve had given the woman a disapproving scowl.

She had finally cajoled the doctor into allowing her to go home, so long as she had someone to take care of her. She’d been upset at first, saying she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but Dr. Banner only pointed out how great a job of it she did last time.

He then brought Steve in on the suggestion and he gladly volunteered. Well, maybe ‘gladly’ was being generous. Steve wanted her to stay in the hospital at least one more day in case anything happened, but Dr. Banner explained that it was probably safer, infection wise, for Maria to go back to her apartment.

So, Natasha had spent the day running around, first to the hospital to pick up Maria’s keys and infer, while Steve was out of the room, that Maria could have just sent Steve to collect her clothing. Then she had the audacity to laugh when Maria showed surprise at the suggestion. She brought the clothing back and made sure to remind Maria, this time in front of Steve, to not open it right away because she’d placed her lingerie on top of the clothing. It was really pretty, the black lace overlay on the red silk, where *did* she find it?

This time Steve blushed and Maria glared.

The look Natasha gave them as she left told Maria the redhead considered her work here done.

There was no point retaliating. It was obvious by now. The story was all over SI, she was sure. How Steve had found her on Thanksgiving Day when he’d brought food for her so she wouldn’t have to miss out on the holiday because she was working. The 911 call had been broadcast on the news, Steve’s voice desperate as he spoke with the EMT. And now, he had missed his second day of work to be with her. And it looked as if he’d miss a few more to take care of her at home.

She considered calling Stark and begging him for a loan for a home nurse to come with her, but it had been pretty obvious he had jumped full aboard the Rogers-Hill ship with Natasha when he’d come for his visit.

And now, it looked like, her nurse had joined them.

“What do you mean?” Maria asked.

“Well, I know a lot of guys like to look like they care when people are around, but, then, as soon as everyone’s gone, they go back to being a jerk,” the nurse explained.

Maria bristled at that word even if the nurse wasn’t actually using it to describe Steve.

“Steve’s, um…”

Maria thought a moment. Did she know what Steve was like? What if she was wrong? What if the nurse’s description was right? It wouldn’t be the first time she’d been in that type of relationship. She’d just left that, in fact, in Chicago. A boyfriend, and even a father, who pretended in public that they adored her, but had no use for her once out of the sight of others. What if this was the same?

“No need to overthink it,” the nurse said. “How long have you two been together?”

“Not long,” she said.

It wasn’t a complete lie, and being together wasn’t even a complete truth.

“Well, he seems like a good fellow,” the nurse said.

Maria thought of the kind things he’d done for her, even when she’d tried to push him away. Halloween at the zoo, bringing dinner on Thanksgiving, those were things her ex would never have even considered.

She smiled and nodded.

“He is,” she agreed.

Getting home turned out to be an indignity. Because of her surgery, the doctor didn’t want her climbing stairs but neither Maria’s apartment nor Steve’s had an elevator. Steve encouraged her to go to her apartment because she’d be more comfortable in familiar surroundings. When they arrived in the ambulance, Maria wished she’d argued for his place, or even a hotel. She had to be carried up on a gurney to her apartment with her neighbors looking on.

They were all nice enough, but Maria felt a sting of humiliation.

Maria was glad that Natasha had straightened the flat when she’d come over. Maria had left it a mess, not feeling much like making the bed when she’d left Thursday morning, and in a studio, the bed served as the sofa.

She sat down and waited for the EMT’S to leave. When the door shut, she and Steve were the most alone they’d been since August.

“Do you have any soup?” he asked.

“I’m tired of liquids,” she grumbled.

“Tea?” he asked.

The smile on his face told Maria he had long ago figured out her favorite drink.

“In the kitchen,” she said.

She tried to get comfortable but her abdomen was still in too much pain. Steve stacked the pillows behind her so she could sit better. His proximity was unnerving. She wasn’t used to all the attention he’d been paying her. No one had ever taken care of her the way Steve did. Even when she was a little girl, she had to clean up after herself when she was sick. Her father was usually at work and they only had a weekly maid. She had always done everything on her own.

“You don’t have to stay,” she said as he started toward the kitchen.

“The doctor said…”

“I know what he said, but now that we’re here, I doubt he’s going to check up on things,” she interrupted.

Steve only stared at her as if she had just asked him to break a law.

“He felt you might need some assistance,” was all Steve said, but his face was set in that determined look he got when he was in fight mode and Maria knew there’d be no reasoning with him.

She’d seen that look a few times at the hospital, occasionally directed at a nurse, usually directed at her when she had complained about having so much work to finish and tried to get him to go in and get it for her. It had been a long time since she’d seen it. Like too many things over the past few days, it took her back to August, the way he’d walked right up to the bullying boyfriend and told him to back off. Maria had thought she’d have to intervene, but Bucky had shown up before it came to that. Steve had taken it all in stride and with good humor, at least until he’d joined his blind-date. Maria had thought the woman was an idiot. Hadn’t she just seen what Steve had done? Maria had watched him the rest of the evening, wishing he was alone, wanting to talk to him, see what he was like. She’d gotten her wish, and then some.

“Oh, the frig is pretty bad,” he said from the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with it?” she asked.

“Well, there’s some bad veggies and the milk has gone sour,” he told her as he stood in the doorway.

“I’ll clean it out once I get your tea and then I’ll go to the market and get some soup and maybe some bread,” he said.

He returned to the kitchen and Maria heard him opening the few cabinets to find her cups and sugar. He brought the tea out a few minutes later and set it on the small table next to the bed.

“It’s probably better to not have cream right now anyway since your stomach will still be sensitive,” he told her.

He sat down and took his phone out of his pocket.

“OK, I have a short list of what it looks like you need as far as food goes,” he said. “Is there anything else you might need?”

“Like what?” she asked.

Her head was beginning to throb. It was still a while until she could take her pain meds again but the trip home had taken a lot out of her.

“You know, like toilet paper, or Kleenex, or, um, well, you know,” he blushed slightly and Maria stared at him, trying to figure out exactly what had bothered him.

When it dawned on her she laughed quietly.

“Are you offering to buy me feminine products?”

“Well, I mean, if you need them,” he said, pointedly not looking at her. “I’m going to the store, no point in making two trips.”

“I don’t need them, but I’ll put this in your plus column,” she said, surprised at her own boldness.

Steve laughed, but his face didn’t look as if he found anything humorous.

She waited to see if he’d talk. She wasn’t particularly good at getting people to open up, mostly because she didn’t want anyone that close to her.

So she drank her tea and studied him the way she’d wanted for months now but hadn’t had the opportunity. There was a fear in his eyes right then that Maria had seen since she woke in the hospital. He’d told her what had happened, how he’d found her. But he left out parts, mainly the part where she was certain he’d told her he loved her.

She couldn’t blame him for keeping that to himself. Her actions couldn’t have encouraged him toward any sort of hope for the two of them. It all seemed foolish now. Everyone knew, at least that Steve was interested in her. This wasn’t something she was going to be able to play down, and after the way he’d been in the hospital, she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

It was almost nice to have someone care that much for her. When she had broken her leg in 5th grade, her father had shown up to sign papers, then to pick her up and take her home. It had been his usual behavior, very much like the nurse had described earlier. When the doctor and nurses were around, he acted the good father, as soon as they left, he was complaining about having to take time off work, and chastising her for “choosing” such a horrible time to break her leg.

Steve had seen to her comfort, he’d been quiet when she needed silence, he read to her when she was bored, he’d made sure she ate, and the only time he’d chastised her was when she complained about wanting work to do, and then it was only because he wanted to make sure she rested and recovered.

Finally, Steve shook himself out of his thoughts and turned to her.

“You have my number if you need anything while I’m out,” he said. “The market’s just around the corner so I shouldn’t be long.”

Maria refrained from reminding Steve that she knew perfectly where the market was. It was obvious he was just nervously rambling.

He took her keys off the table and put his coat on and grabbed his scarf and hat.

“I won’t be very long,” he said.

She nodded.

He was at the door when he paused and turned around.

“Do you need some help laying down?” he said. “Maybe you’d be more comfortable…”

“Steve,” she stopped him. “I’m fine.”

He nodded, but still looked uncertain. Then he finally left.

Maria smiled to herself at the oddly domestic thoughts that were going through her mind. She’d never been one to think that way, to want that sort of thing, but there was something in the anticipation of Steve returning from the market that gave her a sort contentment.

She finished her tea and took her cup to the kitchen. That would be enough, she figured. Steve would not be happy if she washed it as well. She chuckled at the thought of him giving her a stern look if he discovered she’d done dishes when she was supposed to be resting. He was definitely turning into a mother hen.

She was startled by the buzzer from the front door of the building. She wondered if it was Stark, though he hadn’t said anything about coming over today. She pushed the button to answer.

“Maria,” a familiar male voice caused her to still and her stomach to clench.

“Brock?”

What was he doing here? How did he find her? She felt her body begin to react with short, shallow breaths and cold clammy skin.

“Hey, babe, I was in the neighborhood and I heard you were sick,” he said.

If Maria hadn’t hated reporters before this, she certainly hated them now. Why her appendectomy was news would never make sense to her.

“You gonna let me in?”

There was no real request in his voice. Maria knew it was a demand and it snapped her out of her fear, reminding her exactly what he was. She would have told him ‘no,’ but she knew he wouldn’t let up until he saw her. But only because it would look bad if he went back to Chicago and people found out he hadn’t.

It was only a few seconds before he knocked.

She turned the lock and let him in, trying to be strong but not entirely sure that today she had that strength. It had been a long time since she’d faced him, and she wasn’t feeling particularly well today.

He didn’t greet her at all just walked in the door and looked around her small flat.

“You left Chicago for this?” he asked.

“It’s practical,” she said.

She walked over and sat down at the table.

“So, I guess you’re famous now,” Brock said, still looking around the room.

Maria was relieved he hadn’t sat down. That meant he didn’t intend to stay.

“Or maybe 'infamous' is the word,” he said, complete with finger quotes in the air.

“Little Maria Hill trying to save Stark Industries,” he said, sarcasm dripping from each word. “It’ll be good for a laugh one day.”

He turned back to her and stared down. Maria gave him a disinterested look and hoped he’d be gone by the time Steve returned. She definitely didn’t want Steve to ever know about Brock.

He went on with his usual course of belittling and Maria wondered exactly why she had tolerated this for so many years. Her career had been so important to her that she had neglected to notice just how cruel he was. It wasn’t until she had been asked to interview in New York and things began to escalate between them that she finally saw his true nature.

The key in the door brought her out of her thoughts and her pointed ignoring of Brock’s words.

“I got back as quickly as possible,” Steve was saying as he walked in the door. He hadn’t noticed Brock yet. “I didn’t expect it to be so busy in the middle of the day…”

His voice trailed off when he saw they were not alone.

Brock was looking down at Steve the way he looked at anyone he thought was less than him, which was pretty much how he looked at everyone.

“You adopt a kid, Maria?” he asked.

Wrong thing to say, she thought, as Steve’s look turned dark.

“Brock, that’s enough,” she said. “This is Steve. Steve this is Brock Rumlow. I knew him in Chicago.”

“Yeah, and in the biblical sense of “know,”” Brock sneered.

And that was a worse thing to say. Brock looked like he just got added to Steve’s list of people who wouldn’t be safe with him in a dark alley.

Steve didn’t set down the grocery bags as Brock offered his hand. He just looked at it in disdain.

“Oh, you must be the new boyfriend,” Brock commented. “Well, hopefully you can keep her happier than I could. She’s just a bundle of malcontent.”

Maria worried for the groceries.

“You can leave now,” Steve ground out.

Brock seemed to consider defying Steve but he finally shrugged.

He turned back to Maria.

“Hopefully next time you make the news it will be for something less embarrassing than a ruptured appendix,” he said.

Then he started for the door. He paused in front of Steve and looked into the grocery bag. He reached in and pulled out a small box of tampons. Steve’s face was red with anger now and Maria hoped he could contain himself through Brock’s last quip.

“I see she’s got you whipped,” Brock said.

Steve gripped the bags tighter as if they were the only thing standing between him and taking his rage out on Brock.

Brock looked back at Maria and she knew whatever he said was going to be the final straw for Steve.

“I never figured you for a domme,” he told her. “I thought you liked to be under a guy’s thumb.”

Steve let out a slow breath and gritted his teeth.

“Get out,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m gone,” he said. “See ya, babe.”

He walked out the door, but didn’t close it. Steve didn’t either. He walked into the kitchen and set down the bags, then he returned but he didn’t look at her. Instead he walked out the door. Maria closed her eyes and let out a quiet groan. She considered going after Steve, trying to stop him. Brock was twice as big as him, and there was no Bucky nearby to stop what might happen.

She stared at the door and waited, hoping Steve would come back in one piece and not need an ambulance. After several minutes she got up and shut the door. She left it unlocked for now, in case Steve returned soon. But Maria needed to lay down. It was almost time for her meds and she had been through far too much for one day.

Thirty minutes later she was surprised to see Steve walk through the door accompanied by Stark. Tony was laughing and Steve was looking a little too satisfied. What drew Maria’s attention mostly was the blood on Steve’s shirt.

Stark interpreted her look.

“Don’t worry, it’s the other guy’s,” he said.

Then he walked over to the small bureau and pulled open the third as if he knew exactly what was in the drawer.

“Yikes,” he said, shutting it quickly. “Don’t you know shirts go in the third drawer?”

Maria felt laughter start to bubble up, mostly in relief to Steve being OK, but also because Tony was just so incongruous with the situation.

“Top drawer,” she said.

“Gosh, warn a guy, would you?” he said.

He opened the drawer and pulled out a pink Count Basie shirt she’d found at a thrift store years ago and tossed it to Steve. He was giving Tony a grim look that Maria knew had more to do with Tony going through Maria’s clothes than the shirt their boss had picked out for him. Still, he walked over to the bath and changed into the new shirt.

Tony started in on the tale from downstairs as Steve unloaded the groceries. He heated up some soup and interjected with corrections in Tony’s increasingly elaborate story.

“So Happy pulls up and Steve’s got this huge guy on the ground, just pummeling the life out of him,” Tony said.

“He wasn’t on the ground and I only hit him once,” Steve said.

“So the cops are there and they drag him off the guy, who is just gushing blood all over the place,”

“I was talking with the police and there wasn’t that much blood,”

“But they did have to pull him off,” Tony said.

Maria worried when Steve didn’t correct Tony.

“Like I was saying,” Tony continued. “The guy was a mess, probably needs ten stitches, maybe even has some brain damage.”

“He doesn’t need stitches and he was already brain damaged before I touched him,” Steve replied.

Tony opened his mouth to refute Steve, but then he stopped after Steve’s last comment and nodded.

“Yeah, I’d have to agree with that,” Stark said. “What an idiot. I swear, I don’t know what you ever saw in that guy, Hill.”

Maria, who had been enjoying herself to that point, now felt her stomach twist again and she looked away from Tony.

Steve came in with the soup and set it on the table, then he got a glass of water and her pain medication.

“Stark, if you don’t need anything, Maria really needs to rest,”

Tony smiled up at Steve a strange smile that Maria couldn’t quite figure out.

“You two are just the most adorable,” he started.

“Tony,” Steve cut him off.

“Oh, fine.”

Tony stood and walked over to Maria. He took her hand in his and leaned in to whisper.

“He’s a keeper,” Tony said. “Trust me.”

Maria didn’t reply, only raised an eyebrow at him.

“Get better, Hill,” Tony said, as he left. “My company needs you.”

Steve stood with his hands in his pockets and Maria thought he looked far better in her shirt than she did. She wanted to say something, but considering it was usually the woman who was supposed to wear her man’s clothing, she was afraid he’d take it the wrong way.

Instead she embarrassed him.

“I told you I didn’t need any tampons,” she said.

Steve took a deep breath and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.

“I know, but there was a sale,” he said.

“OK, but how did you even know it was my brand? Or was that a lucky guess?” she asked.

“No, I saw some in your purse when I put the phone in as we left the office with the EMT’s last week,” he explained.

“And you remembered that?”

Steve shrugged.

“It seemed like something I should know.”

Maria shook her head. She was certain she’d never heard of any guy doing something like that.

“Sit down, Steve,” she told him.

She picked up the bowl and began to eat.

“Stark was right,” Steve said. “Why were you with that guy?”

Maria took a slow breath.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she said.

“You deserve better,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said.

“Of course it does,” he said. “Even if…”

He stopped and Maria looked up at him. He was staring at a point behind her, there was a look of loss in his eyes.

“Even if it’s not me,” he said, his voice quiet. “You deserve someone who treats you like the beautiful woman, the amazing person you are.”

Maria swallowed the soup thickly. His words shouldn’t surprise her, she reasoned, but no one had ever said anything like that to her.

“Why don’t you believe that?” he asked as he turned back to her.

She didn’t want to say, didn’t want him to know her shame, that her father hated her because she’d killed her mother with her birth, that it made her feel worthless, that she’d never known anyone who valued her outside what she could do for them, whether in her personal or professional life.

“I’m not them,” Steve said. “I’m not Brock, I’m not your father.”

“I know,” she said quietly.

“I’ll leave if you want me to,” he said. “Not while you’re recovering, but after. I’ll leave SI. I don’t want there to be more talk than there already is.”

“No, you don’t have to do that,” she said. “Once this situation is over, I’ll look for something new.”

“No, you won’t,” he said. “SI needs you.”

Maria scoffed.

“No one needs me,” she said.

She looked down at her soup when she realized what she’d admitted.

“I know you think that way,” he told her. “But Tony and I don’t. He wants you in his company and I, well, you know what I want.”

“So the two of you have it all planned out?” she asked, trying again to be harsh enough to push him away.

He was too close, she didn’t know what to do with it, how to react.

“Maria,” he said. “It’s not going to work. I would hope you’d realize that by now.”

“So you like to be treated like this?” she asked, her tone sounding more tired than conveying coldness.

“No, but I know why you’re doing it,” he said. “It’s not how you are, I’ve watched you…and, yes, I mean in the creepy, almost stalking way, or at least as far as I can get away with it at work.”

She looked up at him sharply and saw the mischievous grin on his face. She couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“You know, I doubt most people know what a little shit you can be,” she said.

He laughed, then he reached over and took her empty bowl from her and headed for the kitchen.

“Rest,” he admonished.

“Put some music on for me and I will,” she said.

She felt a sense of trepidation as he set the bowl on her table and walked over to her stereo. He looked at her collection of vinyl then turned and quirked an eyebrow at her.

“Good taste in music,” he said. “I have…”

“I know,” she said. “I saw.”

He stared at her a moment and she could see that mentioning that night in August, even this briefly did things to him that surprised her. How could one night have meant so much to him? She’d been with Brock for twelve years and he’d never once looked at her the way Steve did.

Steve turned back to the records and Maria saw his shoulders heave as he took a slow, deep breath.

“How about some Count Basie to match the shirt?”

Maria smiled and settled down into the pillows.

“Sounds good,” she agreed.

Maria closed her eyes and in moments she was asleep.

Her bladder woke her an hour later. She slowly pushed herself up on the bed, then Steve was next to her, hand under her shoulder, helping her stand.

The humiliation of it all suddenly came crashing down on her. Needing help just to get to the bathroom, accepting help from Steve when she’d never accepted it from another. She stewed silently in her resentment until she came out of the bathroom and Steve tried to help her to the bed.

“I can walk just fine on my own,” she bit out.

She should have left it at that, but now there was the added embarrassment of Steve knowing about Brock and her father. So she lashed out at him with more complaints.

Finally, Steve had enough.

“It is not a bad thing to accept help from other people,” he snapped. “It doesn’t mean you’re weak, Peggy.”

Maria’s head jerked involuntarily to look at him.

His face was set and the look he gave her told her he had no idea what he’d just said.

“Who’s Peggy?” she asked.

Steve looked confused for a moment before it dawned on him what he’d just said.

“I,” was all he managed as Maria sat down on the bed.

“I’m sorry, I,” he stopped again.

The fear and pain on his face was more than just guilt.

“I, uh, I need some air, I’ll be right back,” Steve said and quickly walked out of the apartment.

Maria stared at the closed door and wondered what was happening. Had there been someone recently, someone he’d lost, an ended relationship? Maria’s first thoughts were that she was just a replacement for whoever Peggy was, but she quickly squashed her self-pity. Steve could find another woman anywhere if he was that type of man. There were plenty of women looking for someone just to get hitched to and they'd latched on to any guy who asked them out.

Instead she laid down and waited for Steve to return.

It was thirty minutes before he did. She wasn’t worried, at all. Steve was a man of his word. If he said he’d be back, he would. If he told the doctor he’d take care of her, he definitely would.

He sat down in a chair he’d pulled near her bed while she’d slept and sighed deeply.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Maria watched him stare at his hands.

“Who’s Peggy?” she asked again.

Maria was shocked as Steve immediately lost the composure that he had seemed to regain from his walk outside.

“She, um, she was someone I, uh,” Steve stumbled over his words.

Finally, he closed his eyes as if to steady himself before he spoke again.

“I met her in high school,” he explained. “She was living with her father for a year. Her mother was in England, where she’d grown up.”

There was something in his face as he began to think about Peggy that, if Maria hadn’t already suspected, would have confirmed he’d loved her.

“We were in one of those group projects together, for history,” he said. “You know the type, where one person does all the work, and everyone else just shows up to get credit. Anyway, the two of us ended up doing most of the work while the other two in the group coupled off and, well, I wasn’t going to go look for them.”

He blushed then and Maria smiled at his embarrassment.

Then he looked across the room, toward the one window.

“She was beautiful,” he said. “And smart, and funny, and so far out of my league that I never thought anything more than that.”

He chuckled at a memory now and Maria waited.

“A month before the winter formal, she walked right up to me in the school hallway and got in my face,” he smiled and shook his head.

“’Rogers,’ she said. ‘When are you going to ask me to the dance?’” Steve said in a mock British accent.

“I told her I didn’t know how to dance and she said she didn’t see what that had to do with anything,” Steve laughed.

“So, I asked her, and I rented a tux and picked her up in Bucky’s car and we went to the dance,” he said.

His eyes had the distant look of a pleasant memory.

“She was my first everything,” he said. “I loved her so much.”

The last words were strangled and Maria wondered if she truly wanted to know what had happened to Peggy. She had the feeling it wasn’t a bad break-up.

“She went back to England for school, and I went to California,” he said. “It was difficult but we emailed and messaged each other online.”

A dark look grew on his face then.

“Right before Christmas she broke it off,” he said. “No real explanation, just that long-distance relationships never worked.”

Steve’s body shook slightly from the emotion that thought invoked.

“I was so angry,” he said. “I.”

He stopped and shook his head.

“I just went a bit crazy after that,” he said. “I mean, I kept up my studies and my work, but I partied and slept around and tried to do anything I could think of that might upset her if she found out.”

He shook his head again, this time he looked disgusted with himself, though Maria could hardly blame him for his reaction. What Peggy did seemed cruel. But Maria could tell that there was far more to this story.

“I had actually planned to go and tell her father exactly how I was spending my time when I got home that summer,” he said.

“In May I got a call from him,” he said. “I was really surprised.”

He swallowed thickly and again struggled with his emotions.

“He was in England,” Steve said. “He’d been there a few months.”

Another deep, shaky breath.

“It turned out that Peggy had Non-Hodgkin lymphoma,” he said. “Her father told me that he didn’t realize she’d broken things off with me after she got the news in December.”

Steve bit down on his lip but he couldn’t prevent the tear that escaped.

“He flew me over because she didn’t have much time left,” he said. “The whole time on the plane all I could think was how much a jerk I was. She was dying and I…”

“Steve,” Maria interrupted. “You couldn’t have known.”

“Couldn’t I?” he asked, his voice bitter. “I could have called her father, I could have asked what was going on. But I didn’t. I never pressed her for more. I just took her at her word and I never even tried.”

The little things over the past months fell into place. The way Steve really couldn’t just let what happened between them go. He was never pushy or demanding, just always there, waiting, trying again. If all he could have with her was only friendship, he wasn’t going to leave her, even if she pushed him away.

“He was waiting for me when I got out of customs,” Steve said, a few more tears rolled down his cheeks. “I knew when I saw him that I was too late.”

He wiped his face with his sleeve and reached into his pocket for a handkerchief for his nose.

“I asked him after the funeral why she didn’t want me to know about the cancer,” Steve continued. “He said she didn’t want me to see her weak, and to feel compelled to put my life on hold to come to her and take care of her.”

Maria watched Steve as he obviously relived that moment a decade earlier as if it had just happened.

She thought about her attitude about receiving help. She’d never had it, no one had ever offered it, not until Steve. She’d always thought that accepting help would make her appear weak, but that was her father talking, and why was she still allowing her father to control her? It was obvious that Steve was hurt deeply by Peggy’s actions, though she certainly understood the young woman and would have done the same herself. But as she watched Steve try to bring himself back into the present, she wondered if she wasn’t being too legalistic in not accepting help from anyone.

She reached over and took his hand in hers and squeezed it lightly. When he looked at her she watched the pain abate, as if he had hoped that she would be the one he could finally have more with. Then Maria did the first impulsive thing she’d done since that night in August. She scooted toward the wall in the small bed and lifted the blankets and indicated to Steve to lie down beside her.

Steve was surprised and began to trip over his words again.

“Steve, just lie down,” she said.

He took his shoes off and set them next to her shoe rack then returned to her.

“You’re not supposed to,” he started.

“I’m not planning on doing anything but sleeping,” she said.

He turned on his side to look at her, his eyes so full of hope and this time she smiled at him before she settled into his embrace. She relaxed against him as he ran his fingers through her hair, then she drifted off into the best sleep she’d had since August.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, in case Dresupi doesn't make the assumption...the shopping for the feminine products was inspired by the part of the last Brulice story where Steve has to buy Alice's tampons. 
> 
> I should have the final chapter up soon. I was really able to work on it since I had no internet access for several days. All the pundits were right about the internet being the bane of productivity. :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they all lived happily ever after. Because I can write that kind of stuff if I try. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, told ya I'd have it up soon. :) 
> 
> Not much to say except some of the dialogue is taken from Captain America: The First Avenger.

Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight  
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself  
Will it ever get better than tonight?  
Tonight

 

Steve woke to an empty bed. He sat up and threw back the covers. The light from under the door of the bathroom led him to Maria. He knocked softly.

“Maria, are you OK?” he asked.

Then he checked the knob. It was unlocked so he pushed the door open.

Maria was standing at the sink, gripping its sides. Her breathing was irregular.

“Do we need to go back to the hospital?” he asked.

She nodded.

“I think so,” she said.

“Can you make it down the stairs or should I call for an ambulance?” he asked.

The glare she gave him at the suggestion only caused him to chuckle.

He helped her into her coat and boots as he called for a cab. Then they took the stairs slowly, pausing each time a new wave of pain hit her. By the time they reached the bottom, the cab was waiting for them.

They pulled up outside the emergency room several minutes later and Steve ran in to get a wheelchair.

Maria rolled her eyes at him.

“They’re just going to force you into one when we get in there,” he told her as he paid the cabbie.

After that, everything happened quickly and Steve was washing up again and putting on a gown and a face mask to go in to her. The doctor walked by and patted him on the back.

“It’ll be fine,” he assured Steve, but Steve had never felt more terrified and in his life. “The mask is just a precaution because of all the flu going around right now.”

Maria was laying on the bed on her side when Steve followed the doctor in. She smiled weakly up at him and he kissed her forehead through the mask.

“Where do you want me?” he asked.

“Right there is fine,” she said.

“OK,” he said as she took his hand in hers. “Just remember how much you like my hand and what it can do to you before you go and break it.”

Maria couldn’t stop her laugh.

“You are such a little shit,” she said.

His own laugh was cut off when Maria took a deep breath and squeezed his hand hard.

It wasn’t long before a tear trickled down her face and Steve knew the pain had already become unbearable.

“It’s not a bad thing to ask for help, Maria,” he whispered in her ear.

She nodded and Steve called to the nurse.

After the medication was in, Maria was more relaxed. And, contrary to what he’d thought, it didn’t slow things down in the slightest. In a few minutes the doctor returned.

“I hear you’re ready to have this over with,” he said. “Are you going to catch, Dad, or are you just going to cut the cord?”

“Um, I hadn’t really,” Steve started. “Catch?”

“I’ll let you know when it’s time and you can decide then,” the doctor said.

Maria let out a small whimper as she began to push. It was forever and no time at all before the doctor forced Steve to make his decision. He looked at Maria. She nodded and gave him a slight smile and Steve let go of her hand to “catch” their son as the doctor pulled him out.

An hour later, Steve held his son as he sat next to Maria who was finally sleeping.

David James Rogers-Hill. Steve took another contented breath. He was sure he had never been happier. He looked over at Maria and watched her as she slept. It had become an annoying hobby of his, according to Maria, to watch her sleep. But it was one that made him happy. Nearly every night for over two years now since she’d first invited him to lay next to her when she was recovering from her surgery he’d watched her sleep. Now he’d have someone else to watch over as well. He looked back at their son and kissed his forehead gently.

Outside the window the sun was shining on freshly fallen January snow. He stood and walked over to show David his new world. Steve had always loved how fresh snow sparkled, even in the city.

Maybe they’d move to the country at some point, he thought. Stark had. He’d handed over the reins of his company to Pepper and the two started dating a year ago. Then he set up a lab outside the city so he could work on his robotics designs. Steve was glad for them, that someone else had the happiness they wanted. He and Maria were still fine in the city. They’d probably stay until he got his design business going stronger or the nursery school competition became too much for him.

“Hey,” he heard Maria behind him.

She was smiling at the two of them and Steve wondered how his heart stayed in his chest, it felt so much bigger now.

He walked over to her and kissed her gently on her lips.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Not bad,” she said. “Mostly just achy and tired.”

“Natasha texted a few minutes ago,” he told her. “She and Clint want to come by and see us.”

Maria smiled.

“Well, as long as he doesn’t bring the kid a bow and arrow,” she joked.

Visitors came and went throughout the day. First Natasha and Clint, with the feared bow and quiver full of arrows.

“Hey, I just want to make sure he gets a head start,” Clint said as Natasha and Maria shook their heads.

Then Sam and Sharon came with Darcy who brought David a giant stuffed bear that was nearly as big as Steve.

Darcy held David and started asking when she could come over and babysit. Steve watched Maria’s reaction. It was nice to see how she reacted to people’s kindnesses. She hadn’t had many in her life, and the last two years had been an adjustment for her, learning to trust people enough to let them be her friend and to help her.

Jasper came by with a gift from the office, which Steve, barely joking, said had better not be work. But it was only a blue knitted sweater, cap, and mittens.

Tony and Pepper came by later and told Steve and Maria there was a place near their country house up for sale. That he and Stark had become just as good friends as he and Bucky ever were, had been the strangest thing to Steve. Tony wasn’t at all what he seemed in the media and the two had a lot in common, sometimes to the worry of their significant others.

Finally, an hour before visiting hours were over, Bucky burst into the room. He looked haggard, and Steve could imagine he was. He’d flown in from Capetown where he’d been consulting on security for a business down there.

But when he saw Steve with Maria and David his face broke into a huge grin.

“Will ya look at that?” he said, shaking his head. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

He gave Steve a huge hug and kissed Maria on the cheek, just a little longer than appropriate, because he knew it bugged Steve.

Maria handed David to Bucky who held the baby as if he was fine porcelain. He’d never seen Bucky with a baby before.

“Wow, you done good, punk,” Bucky said. “Of course, the kid’s lucky he obviously got so much of his mom’s genes.”

Steve shook his head and chuckled.

“Can’t wait until he gets bigger and I can teach him to catch and bat, and tell him all the stories about his dad when he was a kid,” Bucky said.

“Hey, now, wait a minute,” Steve interrupted.

Bucky gave him an innocent look.

“I don’t know if he really needs to know all about...” He started to complain, but Maria interrupted.

“Of course, he does,” she said. “I think I even need to know about it.”

Steve looked between the two of them, then grimaced at their amused looks.

“Fine,” he said, turning to Maria. “But it wasn’t all my fault.”

Maria laughed.

“You can’t say it’s not your fault just because Bucky didn’t show up quickly enough to save you from your stupidity,” Maria laughed.

“Oh, yeah, it’s really funny,” he said, but couldn’t stop his smile.

Bucky sat down in the chair on the other side of Maria’s bed and Steve took Maria’s hand in his as his old friend gave her detailed descriptions of as many embarrassing things Steve had done as he could before the nurse came to ask him to leave.

“I’ll walk you down, Buck,” Steve said.

He got Maria and David situated and walked out into the corridor. There, to no surprise of his, he found Bucky flirting with the nurse. Also, to no surprise, he watched them exchange numbers.

“Come on, Romeo,” he said.

“Oh, you can call me that now because you’re all tied down,” Bucky retorted.

“Well, for the record, being tied down can be a pleasure,” he replied.

Then he blushed at what he had said, as Bucky laughed at him.

“Even married you can’t _not_ make something into an innuendo where Maria is concerned,” Bucky said, squeezing his shoulder.

Steve thought silence might be the best answer.

“I’m glad you gave him part of my name.” Bucky told Steve as they boarded the elevator.

“Well, you’re my best and oldest friend, Buck,” Steve said.

“Yeah, but you should have given him my whole name,” Bucky lamented.

“James Buchanan Barnes Rogers-Hill would have been a bit of a mouthful, don’t you think?” Steve asked.

“OK, you can name the next one Buchanan, and the one after that Barnes,” Bucky replied.

“Hold on a minute, I don’t even know if there’s going to be a next one, and I am NEVER going to name one of my kids “Barnes,”” Steve said.

“Don’t you think I deserve it?” Bucky asked.

Steve looked up at him. Bucky had a peevish look on his face and Steve wasn’t sure what it meant. The elevator doors slid open to the lobby and Steve walked out with Bucky.

“Deserve it?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, if it weren’t for me, you’d never have had this moment,” Bucky said.

“What?” Steve asked. “How do you figure that?”

“Come on if I hadn’t invited you out you never would have met her,” he said.

“I’d have met her the next day,” Steve reminded him.

“Yeah, but this probably wouldn’t have happened,” Bucky said. “She’d just have been your boss and you’d just have been her employee.”

“Is that what you think?” Steve smirked.

“Oh, you think it would have been different?” Bucky said.

“I could be that good,” Steve said.

“I wouldn’t know,” Bucky retorted.

“I’m grateful,” Steve said. “Mostly that I don’t have to _ever_ put up with another one of your girlfriend’s friends.”

“Funny,” he smiled.

“So, where are you off to now?” Steve asked.

“Gotta check in, then I’m headed to a conference in Paris in the morning,” he said.

“Not much time,” Steve said.

“Well, I’m glad I had time to come see you guys,” Bucky said.

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Bucky embraced him again.

“Really, you done good, Steve,” he said. “I’m happy for you.”

Bucky began to walk away and called back to Steve.

“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone,” he said.

“How can I?” Steve responded. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky only chuckled and waved as he walked out through the sliding doors.

Steve watched him through the glass until he disappeared into the parking structure across the street, then he returned to Maria.

She was sleeping again, David in the bassinet next to her bed. Steve pulled his chair around so he could watch both of them sleep. He knew he had a stupid smile on his face, the kind he got when he was ridiculously happy.

There had been many times in his life he truly never thought he’d have this. So many rejections, so many women only looking at what they saw, and how he didn’t measure up in their eyes. He’d learned it was a rare person who could look past the outward appearance of a person, rare enough that Steve knew there was something more to Maria, even when she tried to convince him there wasn’t.

Now they had each other, a child; more, he knew, than either of them ever hoped for before they met.

So, yes, he was thankful to Bucky for forcing him out that August night.

But there was no way on earth he was going to name a kid of his Barnes _or_ Buchanan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this, especially my pal Dresupi. :)

**Author's Note:**

> In other news, and this could possibly affect updates on stories for the next month, I finally packed my kids up and left my abusive husband. It's a huge complicated mess, obviously, and someday I'll write a story. For now, the kids are out of school and court is closed today so first thing tomorrow morning...
> 
> I tell you this because a month ago I went public about the abuse among my "IRL" friends and have been amazed at the reaction. Having an abused mindset, I thought people would be angry with me for telling others, but they have been nothing but supportive. If you are in an abusive relationship, tell someone about it. If you need help finding an abuse center, or just encouragement, I can help you there. The services at the abused women's center I go to (which I cannot reveal the name of, even if you ask, sorry) have been helpful. I know it's because of them that I finally got brave enough to leave.
> 
> Won't lie to you, though, leaving is like jumping off a cliff. So I'm fairly certain it's going to affect my writing for at least a little bit, as in, I'm not sure how much I'll be writing. I may just take a week off and focus solely on my kids.


End file.
